Cod Almighty | Article

by Tony Butcher

26 July 2006

This man is Scottish.

Signed for an undisclosed fee (sticking a babelfish in your ear and translate that from footballese to the language we know as English will tell you that is £150,000. Surely that can't be right?) from that there Ponceyship, though it was only Blackburn. Loaned out to Bury and Blackpool, he has even scored what scientists refer to as goals. In league football! That's football, in a league!

Blackburn wanted to keep him, but the lure of the fourth was too much. Ever since he was a wee little laddie he's dreamed of being booed by the Lower Smiths/Stones/Findus (and now Carling) Stand.

He moves in mysterious ways, slowly. His left arm in, left leg out, in, out, in, out and shaken all about. Some say he runs like he's doing a karaoke 'Is This The Way to Amarillo?' in Willy's Wine Bar. Some say he's in a Two Ronnies musical sketchaganza. Yet more claim he moves like Kermit the frog. You, the jury, decide.

He hasn't yet pleased in pre-season. He's a bit Cockerillesque in his slow tank trundling runs forward and has a taste for two-footed lunges. Maybe he's saving all his best moves for Boston and beyond. You, the jury, decide.