Cod Almighty | Match Preview

8 August 2013

Conference Premier

In a nutshell

For a while this year the Shots looked like becoming the first ever phoenix club to need replacing by another phoenix club. After relegation from the Football League in May with debts of £1.4million, the Hampshire side went straight into administration. Fearing the worst, fans were already reaching for their dusty old copies of Starting a New Football Club for Dummies.

But this time they didn't need to, for lo! Aldershot Town have joined the happy, hallowed ranks of Cardiff City, Bournemouth, Rotherham, Leeds United, Chesterfield – shall we stop now? – and been punished for overspending with the cancellation of their debt and a stern finger-wagging. A consortium has shaken hands with the administrators and taken the club out of trouble. Meanwhile they're coining it in off a deal to host Chelsea's youth team matches. Fairytale stuff, we're sure you'll agree.

In the short term, though, a season that begins on minus 10 points can end in only relative success at best. As Oscar Wilde put it: to lose one football club may be regarded as a misfortune; to place a second into administration looks like carelessness.

On t'internet

Much like a certain other website we can think of, the estimable ShotsWeb has recently received a lick of paint and is moving to a new server. At the time of writing they've only moved the messageboard, and the rest of the site is in a lorry stuck behind a tractor on a single-carriageway B-road. By the time you read this, however, the move may be complete and they'll be looking for the box with the kettle in. Give 'em a visit and see, eh? They might need a cup of sugar.

Overall record: P28 W7 D10 L9 F31 A35
At Blundell Park: P14 W6 D4 L3 F15 A13
At their place: P14 W1 D6 L6 F16 A22

Previous encounter: 30 January 2010

January 2010. Neil Woods's players, without a win since early autumn, stride bravely out into the freezing conditions, somewhere in a field in Hampshire.

Early in the game, a cross from the lively Michael Coulson is deflected into Aldershot's net by their defender John Grant. Town go on to boss the first half, but are pegged back in the 68th minute when their future signing Louis Soares feeds Danny Hylton to equalise. The relegation-haunted Mariners' chance of a rare victory appears to have slipped away.

Then, with just five minutes to go, the home side's Andy Sandell handballs in his own penalty box. Adam Proudlock steps up to the spot. It is 17 games and almost four months since Town's last win in any competition.

Proudlock blasts the ball way over the crossbar. It will be spring before the win comes.

Last five meetings, home and away
D Aldershot 1-1 Grimsby (fourth division, 30/01/2010)
L Grimsby 1-2 Aldershot (fourth division, 29/08/2009)
W Grimsby 1-0 Aldershot (fourth division, 28/03/2009)
D Aldershot 2-2 Grimsby (fourth division, 20/12/2008)
d Aldershot 0-0 Grimsby (fourth division, 24/02/1990)

Last five meetings at our place
L Grimsby 1-2 Aldershot (fourth division, 29/08/2009)
W Grimsby 1-0 Aldershot (fourth division, 28/03/2009)
W Grimsby 2-1 Aldershot (fourth division, 25/11/1989)
D Grimsby 1-1 Aldershot (third division, 07/05/1988)
d Grimsby 0-0 Aldershot (fourth division, 17/03/1979)

How you doin'?

Recent form
L Kingstonian 1-0 Aldershot (friendly, 05/08/2013)
L Sutton United 3-2 Aldershot (friendly, 03/08/2013)
L Basingstoke 2-1 Aldershot (friendly, 27/07/2013)
D Staines 1-1 Aldershot (friendly, 23/07/2013)
L Eastleigh 2-1 Aldershot (friendly, 20/07/2013)

Stat!
Aldershot haven't won an away match since 1 January.

How we doin'?

Recent form
L Grantham 2-1 Grimsby (friendly, 03/08/2013)
D Gainsborough 1-1 Grimsby (friendly, 02/08/2013)
W North Ferriby 2-5 Grimsby (friendly, 30/07/2013)
W Grimsby 1-0 Hull City XI (friendly, 26/07/2013)
L Grimsby 0-2 Bradford (friendly, 23/07/2013)
L Scunthorpe 3-0 Grimsby (Lincs Cup, 20/07/2013)

Stat!
Half of the Town squad of 16 picked for the first match of last season have since left the club.

The referee for the season opener is Mr Darren 'Handy' Handley of rain-sodden Lancashire. This marks the beginning of Mr Handley's sixth season as a Conference referee. Last year he handed out a generous 90 yellow and five red cards in 26 games – about three yellows per game and a red every five games.

Daz has previous with Town – last season he took charge of the goalless home draw with Barrow, the FA Cup defeat to Kiddie and the stalemate away at Wrexham. The season before last he was in charge of the 0-0 away at Telford and the 2-1 win away at Kettering.

After the Barrow match our reporter in residence Tony Butcher stated that the "weighty wobbler... spent the first half an hour redefining the concept of incompetence" and felt that he "ruined a bad game between two bad teams", awarding him a score of 4.4444.

For the Kidderminster defeat all Mr Butcher had to offer was that the referee looked "a bit like Elton John" before giving him a very average score of 6.000.

Fans of the Olympics will recognise Darren as the face of the official Olympic biro. He is heir to the Bic empire and is set to inherit 3.4 billion pens when his father dies. Some of them don't work.

A phoenix. Of course. As in 'from the flames'. Although clearly a phoenix that likes to play with fire.

Of course, no flame-grilled bird will be a match for our own Mighty, no matter how many times it is reborn. Make a KFC family bucket out of this flightless fire-moth, Mighty!

The odds
Town 4/7 (Various)
draw 10/3 (Various)
Aldershot 21/4 (Stan James)

We say: Town stuttered to the end of pre-season while Aldershot barely had a team to field. On paper, then, a sure-fire home win. But this is Town, renowned slow starters, against a team with nothing to lose. We're going for the draw.

The ground: Football Ground Guide
Getting there: Google Maps
Gaining entrance: £16 in advance, £18 on the day. Add another 50p if you're not... local
Nearest station: Cleethorpes
The weather: Current forecast

A swift half?

Many of our matchdays over the past season or two have been spent bemoaning the state of our once beloved Rutland Arms – and the paucity of alternative venues for a pre-match pint. An unpleasant nadir was reached when one of the endlessly rotating bar staff seemed to have arrived for work with a serious body odour problem and dropped our change into some spilt beer.

Towards the end of last season, however, the Rutland seemed to rediscover itself. Clean and well-kept, with beer tasting like beer is actually supposed to taste. Suddenly there seemed no more need to down a freezing, fizzy bottle of Newcastle Brown in the Blundell Park Hotel.

Let's hope the Rutland's return from the dark side continues in 2013-14.

Slugs are hermaphroditic, having both female and male reproductive organs. In many species of slug, the penis breaks off after mating, leaving the slug free to mate again using the female reproductive organs which remain.

Alan Warner, The Deadman's Pedal
Saltaire Brewery, Blackberry Cascade
a terrible sense of déjà vu