Cod Almighty | Match Preview
23 August 2013
Conference Premier
In a nutshell
There aren't many sides Town have consistently drubbed since dropping out of the Football League three long years ago. But Alfreton are one. Four games, four wins, sixteen goals. Alfreton: they're the new Barnet.
The other role Alfreton seem to have taken on is that of the Home for Unwanted Mariners. Bradley Wood. Louis Soares. Darran Kempson. Anthony Church. You name 'em; Alfreton have loaned 'em from GTFC or mopped 'em up on a free transfer. Alfreton: they're also the new Lincoln. Oooh look, there's Nick Fenton as well.
Another Town ex who has fetched up in this part of north-east Derbyshire is, of course, manager Nicky 'It's Going To Be Ugly' Law. In his six years at North Street Law has been an unmitigated success, guiding his side into the Conference Premier and steadily into the safety of lower mid-table. Can they stay there? Some doubted it when the Alfies reverted to part-time status earlier this year (and on an average gate below 600, why wouldn't you?). It's been a fine start to 2013–14, though, with two wins out of three, including an excellent 3-1 over last season's mighty Kidderminster.
Some Town fans might suggest that Law has found his level. We couldn't possibly comment.
On t'internet
This is how many independent websites we can find that are dedicated to Alfreton Town: no independent websites.
The official site is half-decent, though, and worth a visit just for the photograph where Nicky Law looks like Commander Strax, the Sontaran, out of Doctor Who.
Overall record: P4 W4 D0 L0 F16 A6
At Blundell Park: P2 W2 D0 L0 F9 A4
At their place: P2 W2 D0 L0 F7 A2
Previous encounter: 2 February 2013
A match that will always hold a place in our hearts, for with scant seconds remaining until half-time, a certain Richard Brodie scored the first of his two goals for Grimsby Town Football Club.
Alfreton had taken the lead on 27 minutes through a Dan Bradley penalty after Scott Boden was fouled by... oh, by Richard Brodie. Town were not playing well. A little later, though, the Mariners won a penalty of their own from a dive by... oh, by Richard Brodie. Jamie Devitt scored from it, but only after captain Disley had to wrestle the ball away from... oh, from Richard Brodie.
In the second half other players were allowed to do things. Andy Cook's lovely back-flick made it 3-1. Paul Clayton pulled one back for Alfo, but Craig Disley wrapped it up with ten minutes to go. There was a yellow card for... oh, for Richard Brodie.
It was freezing and very windy. Phil Barnes was in goal for Alfreton. Town stayed top of the league. Oh well.
Last four meetings, home and away
W Grimsby 4-2 Alfreton (Conf Prem, 02/02/2013)
W Alfreton 0-2 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 09/10/2012)
W Alfreton 2-5 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 07/01/2012)
W Grimsby 5-2 Alfreton (Conf Prem, 01/10/2011)
Last two meetings at our place
W Grimsby 4-2 Alfreton (Conference Premier, 02/02/2013)
W Grimsby 5-2 Alfreton (Conference Premier, 01/10/2011)
How you doin'?
Recent form
6 points from 9
W Alfreton 3-2 Salisbury (Conf Prem, 17/08/2013)
W Alfreton 3-1 Kidderminster (Conf Prem, 13/08/2013)
L Dartford 1-0 Alfreton (Conf Prem, 10/08/2013)
L Worksop Parramore 3-2 Alfreton (friendly, 02/08/2013)
H Alfreton 0-2 Port Vale (friendly, 27/07/2013)
H Alfreton 0-1 Sheffield United (friendly, 22/07/2013)
Goalscoring superstar heroes
Akinde (3 goals)
Bradley (2 goals)
Dirty, dirty boys
Wood (1 yellow; 1 point)
Stat!
John Akinde's hat-trick against Salisbury last Saturday means that in just one game for Alfreton, he has equalled his goal tally from the 85 appearances he made for his five previous clubs.
How we doin'?
Recent form
4 points from 9
L Welling 1-0 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 17/08/2013)
W Gateshead 1-2 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 12/08/2013)
D Grimsby 1-1 Aldershot (Conf Prem, 10/08/2013)
L Grantham 2-1 Grimsby (friendly, 03/08/2013)
D Gainsborough 1-1 Grimsby (friendly, 02/08/2013)
W North Ferriby 2-5 Grimsby (friendly, 30/07/2013)
Goalscoring superstar heroes
three players (1 goal)
Dirty, dirty boys
five players (1 yellow; 1 point)
Stat!
The Mariners have taken four points from their first three games of the season. The last time a Town team bettered this tally in their first three matches was more than a decade ago, when the 2001–02 campaign began with wins over Crewe and West Brom and a draw against Preston, and we were famously top of the second division for 24 hours.
Referee for this weekend's game is Mr Anthony Backhouse of Cumbria. This will be Anthony's second season as a Conference level referee. Last season he handed out 82 yellow and three red cards in 28 games – that's about three yellows per game and a red every eight games.
Despite his newness, our Ant took charge of three Town games last season: the comfortable home win against Braintree, a nervy win at home to Telford and the much-postponed away match at Gateshead. Our man on the spot Tony Butcher felt he was "almost anonymous in a rather routine afternoon of jogging" for the match against Braintree, although by the Telford match he'd changed his tune, describing him as "getting in the way and... generally low-level annoying".
It seemed a return to Braintree form for the Gateshead match where Mr Butcher felt the referee was "a silent and unobtrusive presence". However, things took a turn for the worse when he "lost all contact with humanity with his awarding of the free kick that led to the [Gateshead] goal."
When not donning the black kit of the referee, Mr Backhouse likes nothing more than dressing up as famous people from history and performing adhoc shows in Carlisle town centre to the gathering crowds. The Carlisle Advertiser described his performance of the self-penned The Last Days of Admiral Nelson as both "unique" and "disturbing".
From what we can tell it's still Jasper the Dog, and no, we still haven't found out why it's a dog or why it's called Jasper. Your guess is as good as ours.
Still, this tame hound should be no match for our own hazardously drunk mascot Mighty Mariner. Crunch this Jasper's carrots, Mighty!
The odds
Town 20/21 (Bet Victor)
draw 13/5 (Bet Victor)
Alfreton Town 10/3 (Ladbrokes)
We say: a stuttering start for Town and not a bad beginning to the season for Alfreton – but they're just one of those teams that Town seem to be able to beat no matter what. The odds are short, but we're going for the Town win.
Our record this season
Wins: 1/3
Previously: £1 staked at 9/4 returns £0 (lost)
Pot: £2.33
The ground: Football Ground Guide
Getting there: Google Maps
Gaining entrance: The usual, with a 50p exile tax as some sort of punishment for moving away from Grimsby.
Nearest station: Cleethorpes
The weather: Current forecast
A swift half?
Rutland Arms, anyone? What? No, wait, come back!
Of the 13,000 place names so far given to the geographical features of Antarctica, 956 have been given by Bulgaria.
Louis MacNeice, I Crossed the Minch
inadvertently dodging a tram fare
Tetley tea