Cod Almighty | Diary

In the kingdom of the bland, the one-eyed man is king

27 August 2013

Gary Lineker once said of a match that you were better off watching it on Ceefax. Don't be too surprised if you don't associate the licensed clown of Match of the Day with such scathing wit. He said it of a Wimbledon match, and Wimbledon were a team whom the blandocracy felt they were entitled to give a bit of a kicking.

The modern equivalent is surely a match best watched on Twitter. The Urmston Grimsby Town Supporters' Association were smugly sending each other texts to this effect when domestic commitments prevented us crossing Greater Manchester yesterday evening to watch Town at Hyde. A dour 1-0 win is the dream result for those who cannot or will not make a match they would normally get to, do not want to feel they have missed out, and do not see why anyone else should have a good time.

Today, therefore, your Middle-Aged Diary is not so much the blind leading the blind as the blind leading the sighted. I am like the person who, asked to imagine what Ceefax could be like in the digital age, came up with the solitary improvement that you do not have to wait for the page to refresh itself. If you weren't there, you probably saw it on BT Sport. I only saw it on Twitter, and it didn't read well (but due respect to Luke Papathanasi and no doubt a few others who, moments after decrying Liam Hearn’s replacement with Alex Rodman were happy both to celebrate the goal and cheerfully wipe the egg from their face).

But what is this? According to the Telegraph, the Mariners are now "in full stride" while Rob Scott says we have "clicked". Not so much a game best watched on Twitter, then, as best viewed from the press box or the dugout. CA did have someone at the game. Catch up on his view in the next day or two, before you decide whether to order what the Shouty one was on.

Those who like to emulate the smuggery of suits that is the Match of the Day panel are apt, on occasions like this, to say that it is the sign of a good team when they can win when not playing well. And that it is results rather than performances that matter most at this stage of the season ("this stage" being whatever stage it happens to be). The danger with clichés is that people glide over the smooth surface of the familiar words without being made to think about the reality they are meant to convey. The kernel of meaning is no doubt that successful sides need a good defence. So let's celebrate not only our first clean sheet of the season but the fact it sounds like, at least after the first few minutes, our goal was rarely troubled.

But you will know better than me.