Cod Almighty | Match Preview

29 August 2013

Conference Premier

In a nutshell

Nuneaton Town snuck into the this division in 2012 through the Conference North play-offs and spent most of last season in the relegation zone. With three games to go someone lit a rocket under their arse. They won away at Gateshead and Dartford and biffed Hyde, climbing to a comfortable 15th place. What relegation zone?

The Boro (as they are still known, in homage to their previous incarnation Nuneaton Borough, liquidated in 2008)
 have started this season where they left off, with three wins and two draws from a tough-looking early fixture list. Look out for 21-year-old striker Louis Moult (right), who's started the season on fire with four goals in five games.

On t'internet

Here's a first, we think. Half a minute's slack-arsed Googling has yielded no independent Nuneaton websites, but they may be the first team we've faced in a league match whose official site is on the Pitchero network. This is a hosting service normally used by clubs much lower down the pyramid who can't afford their own url. Either the Boro have risen very far very quickly or we're still nauseous from Town's Decade of Despair.

Overall record: P2 W0 D1 L1 F0 A1
At Blundell Park: P1 W0 D1 L0 F0 A0
At their place: P1 W0 D0 L1 F0 A1

Previous encounter: 19 March 2013

The last meeting between these two sides resulted in the last of Town's four consecutive defeats immediately preceding our trip to Wembley in the FA Trophy final. In 180 minutes of football against Nuneaton so far, the Mariners are yet to score a goal, or quite possibly even register a shot on target.

Last two meetings, home and away
L Nuneaton 1-0 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 19/03/2013)
d Grimsby 0-0 Nuneaton (Conf Prem, 18/08/2012)

Last meeting at our place
d Grimsby 0-0 Nuneaton (Conference Premier, 18/08/2012)

How you doin'?

3rd in the Conf Prem: P5 W3 D2 L0 F8 A4 (GD4) 11pts

In league with...
2nd Cambridge 11pts
3rd Nuneaton 11pts
4th Grimsby 10pts

Recent form
11 points from 15
W Nuneaton 2-1 Kidderminster (Conf Prem, 26/08/2013)
D Barnet 1-1 Nuneaton (Conf Prem, 24/08/2013)
W Nuneaton 3-1 Southport (Conf Prem, 17/08/2013)
D Nuneaton 1-1 Forest Green (Conf Prem, 13/08/2013)
W Macclesfield 0-1 Nuneaton (Conf Prem, 10/08/2013)
L Leamington 2-0 Nuneaton (friendly, 03/08/2013)

Goalscoring superstar heroes
Moult (4 goals)
Brown (2 goals)

Dirty, dirty boys
four players  (1 yellow; 1 point)

Stat!
Nuneaton have only lost three away games since the turn of the year.

How we doin'?

4th in the Conf Prem: P5 W3 D1 L1 F7 A4 (GD3) 10pts
...enjoy it while it lasts

In league with...
3rd Nuneaton 11pts
4th Grimsby 10pts
5th Lincoln 10pts

Recent form
10 points from 15
W Hyde 0-1 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 26/08/2013)
W Grimsby 3-1 Alfreton (Conf Prem, 24/08/2013)
L Welling 1-0 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 17/08/2013)
W Gateshead 1-2 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 12/08/2013)
D Grimsby 1-1 Aldershot (Conf Prem, 10/08/2013)
L Grantham 2-1 Grimsby (friendly, 03/08/2013)

Goalscoring superstar heroes
Hearn (2 goals)
five players (1 goal)

Dirty, dirty boys
Disley (2 yellows; 2 points)
Pearson (2 yellows; 2 points)
John-Lewis (2 yellows; 2 points)

Stat!
Town have managed only two clean sheets in their last nine home games.

Referee for the Nuneaton game will be Adrian Holmes of West Yorkshire. This is Mr Holmes' first season as a Conference level referee, although last season he was also a Premier League assistant referee.

Adrian is famous in his local area for his unique ability to inflate balloons with a single breath, although there have been accusations that he uses a sly circular breathing technique to give the impression of large lung capacity.

In summary, then: blow out

Last season we talked about how Nuneaton had gone down the awful sponsorship route and renamed their orginal mascot (Brewno the Bear) to Tribune Tiger after the local rag.

They've now seen sense and moved back to a non-sponsored bear – this time Bloo the Bear. We'm not sure what bears have to do with Nuneaton, and we don't know where 'Bloo' comes from – it sounds like a sanitary product. At least this is a step in the right direction, so credit where it's due.

Pity, then, that this depressed bear will be no match for our own growling Mighty Mariner. Time to show this Bloo a new kind of hug, Mighty!

The odds
Town 17/20 (Bet Victor)
draw 11/4 (Bwin)
Nuneaton 10/3 (Various)

We say: let's be honest here – that's a bloody good start to the season for Nuneaton. With wins against Kiddy and Southport, and draws with Barnet and Forest Green, they've been getting results against teams at the top of the table. This won't be easy for a stuttering Town side still struggling for form and we fear another defeat.

Our record this season
Wins: 2/5
Previously: £1 staked at 12/5 returns £0 (lost)
Pot: £2.28

The ground: Football Ground Guide
Getting there: Google Maps
Gaining entrance: The usual, plus a 50p exile tax
Nearest station: Cleethorpes
The weather: Current forecast

A swift half?

How's the beer holding up in the Rutland Arms this season?

At any given moment the River Humber holds in suspension 2 million tons of sediment.

the rosy-cheeked acoustic loveliness of Robberie
omelette butties for breakfast