Cod Almighty | Postbag

Fracking the twerks so you don't have to

29 August 2013

Oh hello! Yeah, you thought that was it for a couple of months didn't you? Wrong! We've had a massive haul of five (FIVE) letters – yeah, you heard!

It was all deep-fried beige food in my day

Bloody hell, when I saw that GY peeps were going to be the subject of C4's Come Dine With Me last week I sat there in anticipation of seeing cod & chips, pie & chips, pizza & chips, spam &. chips, etc. and expected that nothing would have changed since I moved away 20 years ago.

However – when did the borough council move the Town boundaries to become part of Essex? Lobster (live) & home made chicken kievs (not from Youngs), bloody saunas, massages & outdoor heated swimming pools, an orange footballer's wife (no I don't mean someone married to a Wolves player), a milf, a straight Graham Norton clone & a porsche owning wide boy who acted as if he'd grown up with Del Boy in Peckham!

What the buggery has been going on? Have we fracked oil in Weelsby Woods? Has the Town's world-famous penchant for producing lottery winners extended to euromillions as well? Keep a lid on it or the economic migrants destined for my part of the world come next year will be cancelling their bus tickets for Milton Keynes Central & carrying on to NE Lincolnshire to learn estuary English. Somebody tell them it should be Thames estuary & not Humber...

from Steve

Letters Ed responds: I've heard that in Scartho they're known to eat quinoa and balsamic goat's liver fricassee with a frothy pig's tongue and Bollinger jus.

And it's all gitanes, café culture and Bolivian street food in Cleethorpes these days.

Anti-social media

This is something that is really bugging me at the minute: why do Scunthorpe United have better social media than Grimsby Town?

I subscribe to GTFC, Scunny, Hull and Lincoln and they are all better than Town’s effort. I go to every Town game home and away but would still like to follow the game on Twitter. Scunny’s match coverage on Twitter is very impressive and Town have tried a little bit to keep up with other clubs. We did even manage to get some tweet updates during a couple of Town’s game but I think they’ve ditched that idea. Come on Town, we are a far bigger club than Scunthorpe and us fans deserve better.

from Jens Larson

Letters Ed responds: I've not looked at Scunthorpe's efforts so can't really comment on the difference. I do know that @gtfcprogramme usually does excellent Twitter commentary on the Town games, and they've stood in on the official account once or twice.

It appears to me that the club is getting better at social media, but I'd be interested to hear from others on how they think it compares to other clubs. Let us know by the usual means.

More Grimmo dictionary

Having just had an in-depth conversation over breakfast with my better half as to how to spell "Cally/Kallie" (as in a boy's name), I was reminded of the Grimmo dictionary entry for "kaylie" (as in sherbert). As i've now, through uncontrollable laughter having consulted the dictionary, dribbled a mixture of milk & Weetabix particles all over the Chromebook keyboard, you need to know that I'm holding CA personally responsible & the claim will be in the post.

However, I'm willing to overlook this if you care to add the following to said dictionary:

Spanish – as in the stick of liquorice used in the consumption of kaylie

Trockles – as in cat poo. "Fluffy has had a poo – can you empty the trockle tray dear" – but this may just be something my wife has made up & as such, relevant to only a small section of Fairfield-bred residents...

Findus ditch – the insignificant little stream which ran from the Ploggers to Love Lane corner – where we used to go chucking stones at rats, tried to catch struts in nets, & spent many an hour making mud dams. Sadly now just a culvert underneath the footpath (the yoof don't know what they are missing).

from Steve

Letters Ed responds: Cheers Steve. I really should check with Pete whether he's ever actually updated the Grimmo Dictionary since its inception in about 2004. He's got a lot of Postbags to trawl through if not...

Twatting about

So old Letters Ed is back with his own style of letter answering, although I noticed a certain lack of the word 'twat' in the first series of responses. Now you’ve got to cater to a wider audience have you opted for a Fishy-style swear filter? Maybe you'll add a non-football section.

Talking of non-football as I was, or is it not talking of football? Anyhoo, I must take issue with Katy who wanted to put jasper in the Grimmo Dictionary. All well and good but a jasper is a hoverfly whereas a wasp is a wasp or even a "oooh aaaaargh a wasp, geddit, kill it, it's trying to get in my Kopparberg". As for those dollybomb thingies...?

As for the new site design, well it's still the same words and stuff just presented in a different font and shit. It’ll do for me.

PS I believe I am best known, by the people at CA, by the name Fuckin' 'ell you miserable bastard. But you can still call me Barmy if you want... and even if you don't want. I demand that you call me Barmy.

from Mark 'Balmy' Dillerstone

Letters Ed responds: Bloody hell – I go away for a couple of years and even that miserable 'blarney' (or whatever he's called) twat is sending in semi-positive emails. Things have clearly gone a bit off around these parts – for a start, people are actually emailing in. There was a point when I had to make letters up myself encourage people to write in more, but now people do it by choice.

I'll soon put an end to that...

They're better off without us

Alongside the deserved coverage for Rickie Lambert last night [22 August], it was nice to see Martin Paterson score the goal that enabled Northern Ireland to beat Fabio Capello's Russia 1-0 in a World Cup qualifier. It was Northern Ireland's first win since August 2011.

from Steve Evison

Well, that's yer lot for now then. Remember, you too can be famous for five seconds on these pages simply by using the feedback form or dropping us an email.