Cod Almighty | Diary

You have a benign humour

4 November 2013

It’s a big hello from your specially brewed Bonus Diary at the start of the biggest week of this month so far. The Grimsby Reaper is supping his FA cup of tea and grinding his axe as an army of amateur accountants grind their teeth pouring over the latest set of accounts. Yes, there’s much knicker-twisting in the marsh and much ado about nothing new. Yes, yes, yes it’s an autumn almanac.

First things first, we like our football on a Saturday, but not at 1 o’clock. The game against Our Plucky Neighbours kicks off at that annoying time, so get up early and clean your teeth. Follow Fred Pontin’s advice and book early, for the tickets are selling like hot tickets for a local derby that requires tickets. Queues! Tickety-boo and tickets to boo Brian, the moany old doughboy. It’s a win-win situation going forward in the building.

Ah, if only there were any Town fans who understood financial accounts. If only there were any Town fans who were specialists in investigating company matters. If only there were any Town fans called Geoff. There are? Then we have the capability. Is Geoff worried by note 23 to the accounts? Nope: in effect the board (aka SpongeJohn FentyPants) keep spending their (i.e. his) own money. It’s all about him, but it always has been. If Town do fail then it’s down to him, his choice. Keep your benign knickers on, it’s nothing new. You must remember that Town’s humour is benign.

And there you are worrying about the future when we have the wonderful present. Town’s latest grindfest against the grumblers and mumblers sees elevation up the swanky set, sitting sexily in the slipstream of the Mad Hatters as Cambridge finally failed. None of us could be bothered to go to Woking but we did bring on Sam-the-substitute. It was what Mark Lawrenson would call a Barry White game: the first minute and the last minute, so we took everything. What came first - the bad shirts or the bad jokes?

As usual Hurst the downbeat diddyman was decidedly dour in his post-match summary, but we can all cheer ourselves up at the instant impact of the anagramtastic Caine Winfarrah. He'll go far in a new chair, for few can rain hair like Caine Winfarrah.