Cod Almighty | Match Preview

7 November 2013

FA Cup

In a nutshell

The last few years have been kind to Plucky Scunny. They escaped relegation to the Conference in 2004 by the skin of their knackers, sacking Brian Laws only to reinstate him three weeks later. An amazing turnaround saw automatic promotion the following season, and then a swashbuckling title win in 2007 under Nigel Adkins, lifting the Iron to the second flight for the first time since 1964.

Throughout the 2000s Scunny showed a happy knack of acquiring prolific strikers. Between them Paul Hayes, Martin Paterson, Billy Sharp, Andy Keogh and Gary Hooper have banged in a lot of goal and raised a lot of quid. They were less lucky at left-back last season, however, where Scunthorpe's world depended on Tom Newey.

The return of Laws last season was not enough to stop United plunging whence they came, and our neighbours now find themselves back in the Football League's basement. Despite sitting just four points off the top, and despite the futility of sacking Ian Baraclough and Alan Knill before him, some supporters want poor old Brian out and the manager's door to start revolving yet again. You'd think they'd have learned where that sort of thinking gets you, just by looking down the A180.

'Scunthorpe United' is an anagram of 'uncouth president', which has always seemed deeply appropriate during Laws' time in charge.

On t'internet

As far as we know there haven't any properly independent Scunny websites since Irn Bru moved on to the 'Footy Mad' network. But as those networky things go, it's a decent one, with an excellent player database.

Overall record: P94 W39 D26 L29 F147 A115
At Blundell Park: P47 W23 D12 L12 F83 A50
At their place: P47 W16 D14 L17 F64 A65

Previous encounter: 7 October 2008

Discounting all those Lincolnshire Cup games and friendlies, the last time Town and Scunny met was in the Football League Trophy over at Glanford Park five years ago. A Sam Togwell header put the Iron ahead on 38 minutes, and Ian Morris's long-range strike made it two before half time. Good old Nick Hegarty gave Town hope with a goal shortly after the break, but 2-1 it stayed.

United went through to the third round, but the travelling Mariners took some comfort from a battling performance. Yet to take charge and watching from the stands was Town's new manager Mike Newell. No more needs to be said about that.

Last five meetings, home and away
L Scunthorpe 3-0 Grimsby (Lincolnshire Cup, 20/07/2013)
W Scunthorpe 0-2 Grimsby (Lincolnshire Cup, 24/07/2012)
D Scunthorpe 1-1 Grimsby (Lincolnshire Cup, 03/08/2010)
L Grimsby 0-3 Scunthorpe (Lincolnshire Cup, 20/07/2009)
L Scunthorpe 2-1 Grimsby (League Trophy, 07/10/2008)

Last five meetings at our place
L Grimsby 0-3 Scunthorpe (Lincolnshire Cup, 20/07/2009)
D Grimsby 1-1 Scunthorpe (friendly, 04/08/2007)
d Grimsby 0-0 Scunthorpe (Lincolnshire Cup, 14/07/2005)
d Grimsby 0-0 Scunthorpe (Division 4, 23/04/2005)
d Grimsby 0-0 Scunthorpe (Lincolnshire Cup, 23/07/2004)

How you doin'?

8th in the fourth division: P15 W6 D6 L3 F17 A17 (GD0) 24pts

In league with...
7th Burton 24pts
8th Scunthorpe 24pts
9th Southend 23pts

Recent form
10 points from 18
D Chesterfield 1-1 Scunthorpe (fourth division, 02/11/2013)
L York 4-1 Scunthorpe (fourth division, 29/10/2013)
W Scunthorpe 1-0 Hartlepool (fourth division, 26/10/2013)
W Fleetwood 0-1 Scunthorpe (fourth division, 22/10/2013)
L Scunthorpe 0-4 Exeter (fourth division, 19/10/2013)
W Scunthorpe 2-0 Cheltenham (fourth division, 05/10/2013)

Goalscoring superstar heroes
Winnall (7 goals)
three players (2 goals)

Dirty, dirty boys
Dawson (3 yellows; 3 points)
seven players (2 yellows; 2 points)

Stat!
Scunthorpe haven't won an FA Cup match since their 1-0 win over Barnsley in January 2010.

How we doin'?

4th in the Conference Premier: P17 W9 D3 L5 F25 A17 (GD8) 30pts
...concentrating on the league

In league with...
3rd Luton 31pts
4th Grimsby 30pts
5th Salisbury 30pts

Recent form
9 points from 15
W Woking 1-2 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 02/11/2013)
W Grimsby 3-0 Rushall (FA Cup, 26/10/2013)
W Grimsby 3-1 Forest Green (Conf Prem, 19/10/2013)
L Salisbury 1-0 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 12/10/2013)
L Grimsby 0-1 Cambridge (Conf Prem, 08/10/2013)
W Aldershot 0-3 Grimsby (Conf Prem, 05/10/2013)

Goalscoring superstar heroes
Hannah (6 goals)
Hearn (4 goals)

Dirty, dirty boys
Pearson (5 yellows; 5 points)
Colbeck (2 yellows, 1 red; 4 points)
Thomas (2 yellows, 1 red; 4 points)

Stat!
Town have won only five FA Cup matches in the last ten years.

Referee for this weekend's cup match will be Mr David Coote of Nottinghamshire. David knows all about being a referee because he does refereeing in that there Football League. Last season he handed out 93 yellow cards and four red cards in 31 games. That's exactly three yellows per match and a red every seven games or so - about average, that.

David hasn't had the pleasure of reffing at Blundell Park before, on account of the fact that he swapped places with Town in 2010. After several years officiating in non-League he stepped up to big boy refereeing in the 2010-11 season, just as Town started life in the Conference.

'Cootes' is familiar with Scunthorpe as his grandmother used to own more than 90 per cent of livestock kept in the town in the 1920s. This was due to a bizarre administrative error when a wealthy landowner accidently signed away most of his farm to strangers he met on a train while under the influence of strong hallucinogens.

Unfortunately for David his grandmother gave most of the cattle away in exchange for some magic bees. However, the bees turned out to be normal bees and to make matters worse they were all killed in the great hive fire of 1927.

The Scunny Bunny. Really? Why, because Scunthorpe is famous for breeding rabbits, is it? No, you picked that name because it rhymed with Scunny. Rubbish. With half-arsed mascot naming like that they deserve to be Conference North at best.

Still, while our own Mighty Mariner may share a certain trait with rabbits (he's a big fan of carrots), he'll have no problem making this hare run. Mix him and cook him in a pot like gumbo, Mighty!

The odds
Town 19/10 (Various)
draw 12/5 (Various)
Scunthorpe 13/8 (Various)

We say: Town often falter in front of a big crowd, but this is a different sort of game. That said, both teams have reasonable defensive records and we see a cautious game here. Let's call it a draw.

Our record this season
Wins: 7/12
Previously: £1 staked at 9/20 returns £1.45
Pot: £8.39

The ground: Football Ground Guide
Getting there: Google Maps
Gaining entrance: Usual fees apply
Nearest station: Cleethorpes
The weather: Current forecast

A swift half?

It'll be a pleasant surprise if there's room to get to the bar between the police. Maybe it's a day to drink in the Mariners Trust bars at BP, eh.

The most linguistically diverse nation on Earth is believed to be Papua New Guinea, home to 841 different languages.

Mark and Pete
anticipation of a lunchtime pint at the Red Deer
breakfast quesadillas
the Decade of Despair