Cod Almighty | Diary

Hey big spender

18 November 2013

Standing on Tamworth's two-tier train station with a ticket for my destination. Mmm-mmm, nice sausage sandwich. It's your special Bonus Diary ruminating, if not reminiscing, upon the meaning of the Tamworth Manifesto in a modern context. The locals seem to have forgotten that old Bobby Peel feared a perpetual vortex of agitation. He was more a pass-and-move man, no POMO there from the PM.

So Saturday, my dear old things. Set in the future year of 1983, and just beyond football's boundary with space and time, Town were transported to a mysterious game where everything was 12 times larger. Tamworth: Land of the Giants. The unlittle Lambs just got their parabolic trajectories in a twist as Town plugged the perpetual vortex. We (legs eleven on your banality bingo card) "won ugly", according to Mr Happy, the enigmatic and ever-so-slightly effervescent Yorkshireman.

Oh yeah, all you naysayers, doom-mongers and amateur irony-mongers out there in bedsit land: mistakes may be deliberate, for the owls are not what they seem. Town plan those messed-up, muddled-up set pieces, you know. That's how you score in the Shrill Conference. That's how The Dizzer did it.

So tomorrow, my dear old things. Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow, don't stop, it'll soon be here. Ah, but then again: tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, you're always a day away. Clear away the cobwebs and stand by to add to the collection of cobblers about the confected disaffection between two bald men fighting over a very toothless comb.

We could do without the tiresome testosterone but who's that coming over Barnetby Top, Brian? Is that the Grimsby Reaper in a Vauxhall Viva? Set in the future year of 1973, just beyond football's boundary with taste and taches, we have The Replay. Can the chance of a kickabout with Northampton Town have ever been so important? I must confess, my dear reader thing, I'm talking cobblers there.

If you're going to the Tin Shack Stadium on Tuesday be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. Let's have a little bit of a Lincolnshire love-in. For you and me, Scunny, we'll always have Paris Cowan-Hall. Ah, mutual memories of shared failures, the ties that bind.

Whatever happens in the FA Cup, at least we'll have the FA Trophy to waste our time this winter. CNN's breaking news tickertape is announcing to the world beyond Goole that Town have a tie away at Coalville Town on 30 November. Now that's a big game, who cares about the Plucky Ones.

The future, eh, always something to look forward to, and it's only just begun. Merry 50th anniversary of the premier of Hello Dolly, everybody. Having fun?