Cod Almighty | Diary

Alan Connell

24 January 2014

Mardy Diary writes: Alan Connell? Alan Connell. Alan Connell? Alan Connell. Alan... Connell? Alan Connell. Connell!? Connell! CONNELL? CONNELL.

Sometimes a nice thing needs to happen. I'm hoping that by the time I've witten this Alan Connell has decided that the best thing for him to do would be to come to Grimsby and help us get promoted. Go on Al – we're all dead excited about the prospect. There's not even a single person saying anything negative – do you know how rare that is in Grimsby? It hasn't happened since 1792, when a local no-moaning law was temporarily put in place covering Grimsby and the surrounding area.

So we've asked Alan and presumably he's having a think about it. Well, Alan, think about this: join a club on the up in the Conference and score a trazillion goals as they get promoted. Then either stick with them or join another League club, as there'll be plenty sniffing around.

The other option is to join someone like Northampton (or, as I like to call them, 'Grimsby 2009-10'), don't score much as chances are rare, then struggle to get a job afterwards as everyone assumes you're not very good. Because of Northampton. It'll be all their fault. Bloody Northampton.

Sure, there's the money thing. Look, Alan, don't worry about that. It'll be bloody great. And everyone will be smiling. Smiling, Alan. In Grimsby! Did you ever imagine the day? So stop dilly-dallying, it's only down the road – we'll even drive you there and back every day.

Come on. Join us, Alan. Join. Us.