Cod Almighty | Diary

Quite a lot of sportswear, not that much sport

5 February 2014

Good morning. The Premier League is a barrel of toss. This week, your London Diary watched a team who have spent £109,000,000 on players in the last year beat a team who had spent £103,000,000 on players in the last year. The winning team scored one goal. That's £6,000,000 a goal by my calculations. You've got to feel for the underdogs haven't you? Sheikh your booty, I have a load of oily money to throw at yo ass. Not for me, thank you.

Then yesterday a team who are currently mid-table in the top league of English football sacked their manager because they are only two points off the relegation zone. Currently there are seven teams three points away from the relegation zone. He brought them their first ever major trophy just over a year ago. How dare he. I was going to insert a joke about Laudrup exiting the building via the door on the right, and something about passing the dutchie on the left-hand side, but I'll leave it. You're better than that.

The other week at Blundell Park, I saw a father and son duo in the Upper Findus sporting (ironically) a full-on football tracksuit each. One was Liverpool, the other Arsenal. When I become chairman of GTFC, and I will, I am going to enforce a rule that anyone sporting Premier League colours, be it a shirt, scarf, undercrackers, will be fined a hefty amount; probably around £250, I'm still working out the final amount. I'll also ensure that the bloke on the microphone doesn't read out the Premier League scores at the end of the game. Who really gives a flying monkey's? NOT ME MATE. Maybe the Hull result if it's comical, but no PL scores. LONG LIVE THE (insert bookie's name/non-League) PREMIER!

It was nice to read this morning the news that whoever we get in the FA Trophy final (see what I did there?!) will be a Conference South club. Last night Havant & Waterlooville beat Aldershot 4-1 in a replay to gain a semi-final place to face yet another Hampshire club. Good look to them both: we'll see one of you at HA9.

We have seven games in hand and people are kicking off. We chose to be in this league, so we kind of have to drink it in.

Hey, I know we all know this, but Grimsby have played 36 games in all competitions so far this season and only lost seven. That's bloody good innit. Drink it in. Drink. It. In. See you at the weekend, lad/ies.