Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Sam Lenthall

20 February 2014

Barnet 2 Grimsby Town 1

I've been waiting for this day since I moved to London 19 months ago. Sure, I've looked forward to other things during that time too. But not since getting the Sheffield SUPERtram to godawful Don Valley to watch Town lose to Rotherham during that season have I had the opportunity to simply jump on local public transport for a relatively small amount of time to catch the Mariners in action.

It may not be a walk down the Grimsby Road with a bag of Ernie Beckett's finest, but let me have my moment here. It's going to be just like going to watch the Arsenal. I can see it now. Hordes of London Mariners navigating the tube, a sea of black and white flooding the Piccadilly line, making everybody else's journey home from work unpleasant and nigh on impossible, just like the Premier League fans do to me on a regular basis. Yes, it's going to be just like that.

"Everywhere we go, the people wanna know, who we are, and where we come from, we're from Grimsby, the mighty mighty Grimsby, we've moved to London, exciting expensive London, we see the family at Christmas, but don't go back that often."

So I arrived at the Hive, the new home of Barnet FC, with relative ease after following the one solitary Barnet fan I saw on the way. Not a single black and white scarf did I see on the journey. Ah well. All part and parcel of being a real football fan, innit? (Plus, there's a chance I got off at the wrong tube stop.)

The Hive resembles a block of new units on an industrial estate, surrounded by five-a side football pitches. Grey in colour, regimented and formulaic in stature. Am I down Wilton Road? No, I'm in Edgware, and at least they've got a new stadium; where's ours? Well, at least Blundell Park has character, we've got the oldest stand in football, don't you know? Ah whatever.

Anyway, on to the real football. The Mariners lined up in that lovely 4-4-2 fashion as follows: McKeown, Bignot, McDonald, Doig, Thomas, Rodman, Kerr, Disley, Neilson, Tounkara, John-Lewis. Shaun Pearson, please never get suspended again, we love and miss you.

First half

Things got off to the worst possible start. Inside the first ten minutes, Barnet whipped a fast ball in, and either Disley or Rodman seemingly ran it into our own net with their head. Vilhete for Barnet wheeled away in celebration and was credited with the goal. Sorry mate, but I'm not having that!

A steward told somebody they're not allowed to take photos. Since when has this been a rule? Has it always been a rule?

Rather than write it off as a mishap, dust ourselves off and fight back all guns blazing, Town continued to look shaky, and Barnet continued to look sharp, fast and effective going forward. Apart from when it mattered, thank God. Not long after their goal, Barnet managed to get through one-on-one after Aswad Thomas found himself temporarily playing at right-back, and then giving the ball away. Luckily the shot struck the post, which gave the Town fans an opportunity to cheer for the first time in the match.

The rest of the half didn't provide a great deal of entertainment, to be honest. Somebody near me was complaining about the "tinpot cup". See you at Wembley then, yeah? Someone shouted "Hash Brown" at the Barnet player Keanu Marsh-Brown. OK, that was quite funny, I'll give you that. A steward told somebody they're not allowed to take photos. Since when has this been a rule? Has it always been a rule? Don't hashtag your photos… the man will be after you.

What else? Ah yes, the football. Disley megged somebody, Thomas crossed it in. Barnet continued to walk through us, but lacked the killer instinct. Thomas came off through injury, Fyfield came on. Kerr whipped a good ball in and John-Lewis came close. Tounkara and Rodman had a nice bit of link-up play. Fyfield whipped an awful ball in. Is it nearly half time yet? I dunno, they don't have a scoreboard… do we even have a scoreboard any more? Who knows.

Half time

I purposely didn't have anything for my tea, so I could sample the culinary delights on offer at the Hive. I find it easier to talk about food than football, so I thought it'd be a good back-up for this here match report if I get stuck for words. The menu was not great. What was I expecting? I opted for a sausage sandwich, which was OK, but a bit of butter on the bread bun and two sausages instead of one and a half would have been nice.

For those wondering, it's not just us: Barnet also do not offer the nation's favourite dish as a half-time treat. Somebody grass them up to the Non-League Chips blog please, if they haven't already been named and shamed.

We then swiftly entered the bar, which was manned by two young chaps who didn't look a day older than 15, and a lady bossing them about. Within seconds the bar was about eight deep and the staff were finding it difficult to cope. Didn't they know that massive Grimsby were coming?

Ooh look, they have McEwan's lager on tap… is it 1994? I wish it was. The two young chaps struggled as they learned to pour pints and use the card machine on the job, while a mass of Grimsby fans eagerly awaited their half-time treat. You're doing well lads, you're doing well. How much is the minimum wage for under-16s? Booo John Fenty, you're missing a money-saving trick here.

Second half

Hursty obviously had a word, because we came out for the second half a much more confident outfit. Tounkara had an effort saved from the edge of the box. McDonald found himself unmarked in the box but had his header cleared off the line. Neilson started doing the things he does. And Rodman started doing the things he sometimes does. Throw in a few penalty shouts as well as a few free kicks in good areas and it felt like something had to give. Something did give.

I found myself surging to the front of the stand before anybody else, holding out my hand for a superbly connected high five with our goalscorer and captain

Neilson once again proved how important he can be as he twisted and turned his way through the Barnet defence before whipping in a cross for Craig Disley to latch on to, with a lovely looping header which seemed to take an age to drop in to the back of the net. But it did! Suddenly I found myself surging to the front of the stand before anybody else, holding out my hand for a superbly connected high five with our goalscorer and captain. I do hope that beautiful moment was caught by one of the OFFICIAL photographers.

After the start we'd had in the second half, culminating in the goal, it really felt like we could go ahead and snatch that vital away win. Unfortunately, and perhaps unsurprisingly, It didn't turn out like that. Scott Neilson continued to impress down the left flank, cutting inside and taking on the Barnet defence successfully, but we missed the surging overlapping runs of the injured Aswad Thomas for Neilson to link up with. Not for Fyfield's lack of trying (although he did take an abysmal free kick straight at the wall before our goal, which I have to mention. Sorry Jamal, very petty of me, I know).

Soon enough Ross Hannah replaced Tounkara, who had an OK game, without anything really dropping for him. McDonald went close again with a similar header to his earlier effort. But by this point we'd seemingly gone off the boil again, and sure enough Barnet nicked a goal at the near post.

In a last-ditch attempt to salvage something from the game, Paul Hurst took off our man of the match Neilson and replaced him with Andy Cook, giving us more options up front, while nullifying our creativity in the process. Ross Hannah went relatively close with one of the many free kicks within striking distance awarded to us, but there was to be no heroic comeback. With the match finishing 2-1, we shrugged our shoulders and quietly left the Hive.

It wasn't a great performance at all, neither was it a particularly bad performance. It simply… happened. A draw would have been deserved, but the loss was not particularly hard to take. Special mentions go to Scott Neilson for his ability to skip past defenders for fun, and also Alex Rodman who showed a decent amount of effort and ability. More of the same please, Alex.