Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Tony Rogers

13 April 2014

Dartford 1 Grimsby Town 0

What did you expect? I mean really, what did we think would happen? After the third game in six days a gaggle of reserves, YTs, A Trialists and Renford Rejects strode out bedecked in blue to a heavily sponsored prison exercise yard.

Princes Park is a tidy functional ground on the edge of the world for us London-based lot. I mean it's out of zone 6! It might as well be over the Wall for you Thrones fans. It's famous for its statue of a fan, which reaches to the wooden beams of its tight compact stands. It's only one of two statues of fans which I know of, the other being that of Yabba at the SCG in Sydney, famous for his wit and ruthless put-downs of any English batsmen or bowler close enough to hear. I severely doubt that Paul Hurst or John Fenty will be thinking of commissioning anything similar for us in the Main Stand soon.

Town shaped up with the rather unfamiliar line-up of McKeown, McDonald, Walker, Doig, Fyfield, McLaughlin, Colbeck, Thanoj, Tounkara, Hannah, Cook.

First half

Hannah was the square peg in the round hole on the left, while Paul Walker made his debut after announcing it on Twitter with a rather erudite "OMG!!!" But what in hindsight is now seen as a rash and careless decision actually started off rather well. Dartford – desperate for points to stave off impending doom or relegation – were happy to soak up early pressure, releasing it down the left to the vulnerable Fyfield who was left open by the inexperienced Hannah just in front.

Tounkara held the ball up well with the rest behind pressing up high enough to force Dartford further back towards their goal. Cook almost bundled the ball in within 10 minutes before Hannah broke through early on with his first touch being heavy enough for Dartford keeper Julian to claim gratefully.

Cook had the most spectacular moment of the night: a 25-yard piledriver which rocked the crossbar and bounced just in front of the line. A helpless Julian followed it up by landing square on his arse from the resulting offside given against Hannah trying to claim the rebound.

McKeown would almost have been considering slinking off to Bluewater for a quick look around had it not been for a free kick late on in the half which narrowly missed the far post. That was it really. The half petered out to continuing debate around Fenty's inability to walk past a cat without releasing a statement.

One thing you can notice is we've been in non-League for far too long now. Fans have even worked out how to change ends at half-time. Gone are the days where bemused Town followings would suddenly be joined by the vociferous home support, as happened at Welling last year.

Second half

Just as the teams emerged for the second half, we realised the programme was printed back in February, when the game was originally scheduled. Town bumbled out and, with a rapidly diminishing amount of energy, found themselves offside at every possible opportunity – even when retreating into their own half. But with one last grunt, like a man in his last throes of death, Cook put in a final effort, almost bundling the ball in off the post with a header.

On such errors are wars won and lost. Or at least hastily rearranged fixtures, shoehorned in to the most viable option, are

Hannah by now was being pulled further inside, leaving Fyfield ever more exposed. His first booking was slightly harsh but fell in to the 'seen them given' pile of biennial football punditry. The second, on the other hand, was not up for argument. Ben Swallow, who had been a livewire for Dartford within a few minutes of coming on, had turned him inside out at the edge of the area. Well and truly beaten, Fyfield stuck out a leg cynically and whether there was contact or not he was gone for a desperate error.

The resulting free kick hit the wall, which went out for a corner. That corner was put on the head of Lee Noble, who finished it off, and on such errors are wars won and lost. Or at least hastily rearranged fixtures, shoehorned in to the most viable option, are.

That was that. I mean there were another 20 minutes to go but the squad were already subconsciously going through the Dartford tunnel by the restart.

We should have had a point. We didn't. We should have had a little more meat on the bench. We didn't. And we could have been a little comfier in the play-offs. But we're not. Blind faith will get you to Dartford and back but it won't get those 90 minutes of your life back.

Let's do this again sometime.