Cod Almighty | Diary

That was the real quiz

15 October 2014

London Diary here and there's a lot to get through, so let's stop this waffle. First things first: WE WON THE CUP! UP YOURS LINSCUMBUMTITTY!

For last night's Lincs Cup final Hurststststtsts put out a squad that had more alterations than a suit that has had a lot of alterations. We didn't have names on the back of the shirts last night, UP YOURS LINCSUM, see how much we cared? Loads of positives to take from the game (apologies); Arnold playing and twisting and turning like a 50s bopper, Hannah banging in a few, we didn't lose, we won, young lads, lots of young lads. I just had a quick gander at the highlights and Hannah's goals were reet nice – the first gave me feelings I haven't felt since I kissed Kelly Smith on the Ploggers back in '93.

The starting line-up was a fringe affair with a sprinkling of young bluds, but the subs' bench was veritable feast of names that you may not have seen before. Sunter, Bastock, Appleby, Barnett, Bemrose. Proper Football League names from the 80s. You'll just have to wait a little while for your names to be on the shirts, chaps. Big up to the Watkiss Wonders.

Apparently we've fired up the backburner, and on said backburner is Hurststs's lookout for a new striker as we already have about five and they're nearly all fit. I'd turn the burner off lads – we're trying to save money here.

In other news, Hurtststs's mate at Scunthorpe has left but has been replaced by another mate. His mate who left Scunny is now at York, so our manager now has two mates just down the road, which probably means we'll have more York players in our squad in a few months. Is that even possible? Who knows. Does that even make sense. Who knows. Who left this backburner on? I said switch it off.

Finally, the BBC has released figures for its annual 'Price of Football' survey. Now, I have made it perfectly clear in the past that I think that modern football is utter tripe. I hate the ideology behind it. There was an interview on the radio this morning where a man complained about having to spend £100 a week to go and see his beloved Chelsea FC play. I mean, you support a club that supports paying footballers £150K+ a week so why are you moaning, pal? We get all angry about big clubs charging a fortune, but without wanting to sound like the old (half) manager, if you don't like it, don't go. You're a statistic and a purse to a club of that size, nothing more.

We complain that this country, arguably the world, is being run by the 1% to support the lives of the 1%. That is exactly what is happening with football. Yet the majority of supporters are naively blind to this. We need to stop encouraging clubs that it's fine to support this ridiculous ideology where poor people are being screwed for the betterment of the few.

And more importantly, we need to get fish and chips in the cafés at Blundell Park. You know what I mean. I don't. UTM!