Cod Almighty | Diary

Don't follow me, I'm lost too

17 October 2014

Retro Diary writes: Sack the manager! Sack the board! Oh wait… and everybody's happy again. Must pay the papers and do the garden. It's funny, the garden doesn't usually look as dead as this by the time of the last pre-season friendly – still it's nice to have got it out of the way. On the basis of that pointless midweek Lincoln victory, I'd say we'll be mid-table by October.

I never like it when we play Lincoln more than we have to. In the scheme of things, local derbies are actually all we've got – the only relief we will ever have from the endless cycle of win/lose/disappoint. Such games are precious and more so if they're rare. There are only so many Lincoln derbies in a lifetime and that's how it should be – we've well and truly wasted one already this season, making them even more precious. Nice to see that nobody turned up to watch this one – let's hope nobody goes to the FA Trophy matches either, and see how the Telegraph spins that one.

Off the field, according to the 'Price of Football' survey Lincoln's tea is 10p more expensive than ours. Rather controversially, I suggest we build a cathedral and put ours up 10p too.

Likeable 'proper' centre-forward JP is back in contention after his hamstring tear, which is always good for the shape of the team. The move to bring in the injury-prone striker was "worth the gamble", according to Hurst in last night's Telegraph – "with his four goals you could almost say it's worth it already". Actually I was personally hoping for considerably more than four; even Lenell should get more than that, especially if we keep getting penalties and never, ever, drop him. If you stood a road cone in the goalmouth it should get six in deflections.

I hadn't noticed, but apparently we haven't conceded a goal this year while Aswad has been on the pitch. With exquisite command of the placebo effect, Hurst entertains the notion that he could be "a good luck charm". It's only actually three and a bit games, but two of them were Bristol and Wrexham, so let's not knock it. This means, of course, that if he always plays we'll never concede again, so Torquay had better either kick him or get ten men behind the ball and pray for nil-nil.

Next week we have a bonus home game against Guiseley in the FA Cup. As if it weren't bad enough having one lot of 'Cod Army' above us in the league, now the home of Harry Ramsden's is trying to get one over on us too. It won't be long 'til our fish is worth nothing.

So everybody's happy, woohoo! Next week: do we care what happens to Town after we die?