Cod Almighty | Diary

We are in that set of the Venn diagram where a minority of people like the Beatles

24 October 2014

Welcome to the eve-of-match and therefore most quickly obsolete offering of the week, where your faithful Retro Diary intends to tempt fate by moaning relentlessly. If you don't believe in tempting fate, please feel free to try cutting up a picture of your kids while they're on a plane.

Yes, as a confirmed Dawkinsist who thinks that human conscience is nothing more than a bunch of electrical impulses and that the laws of probability are a universal absolute, even I can see that there's something about human behaviour which, when translated into lower division football or kids on planes, defies traditional statistical techniques. Which means that I'm making sure my lucky undies are washed and dried by tomorrow, whatever.

Or I might wear the other ones when I find out what colour Guiseley play in. That's the thing about obscurity – it doesn't half make being superstitious difficult.

It seems, from what yesterday's Telegraph says, that the spindly-legged, long-sleeved Arnold might be set to put his injury worries behind him and kick-start his season. It's worth noting that despite missing half of last season he was nevertheless Cambridge's second top 'assister', if you accept that irksome neologism.

More interesting is the reason why he missed half the season. In fact, this mystery goes straight into a locked hangar at Roswell at number 3, after Nicky Law's touchline ban and the departure of our own Shouty Spice – all examples of far-reaching episodes whose foul-mouthed details seem destined to stay forever in the dressing room. Some say it was something inappropriate Arnold tweeted about the manager.

In any case, despite a faultless first half of the season, from early January onwards, the not-injured front man was suddenly relegated to the Cambridge bench where he looked mostly forlorn and, tellingly, wore a watch. And this despite the fact that in one of his rare cameos against Welling he was the best player on the pitch and in another against Forest Green, he scored a 'worldie'.

So could this be another case of Hursty spotting a good bit of value in a world of underwhelming journeymen? We shall see. If anyone's on Twitter, though, please don't ask him any leading questions about the boss.

So, to Guiseley and Mister Boshell. Apparently we intend to play a strong squad, with nobody rested, which, I suspect, we may have to, to win. Boshell has a few words to say about the tie but is short on insight, apart from saying it's a draw he didn't want, and the Lions (grrr) are not coming to "shut up shop". I can certainly believe he doesn't want me standing next to the tunnel when he jogs out, and we'll see how attacking they are if Town haven't scored by the 80th minute.

On Tuesday, we could have added to Middle-Aged Diary's analysis of the lightweight Bradfordian by mentioning his stunning volleyed goal of the season for us away at Bastard Franchise Scum in 2007, and let's face it, any goal against that horrible bunch of chancers is heroic.

Sadly, most of the time I remember him as a member of a mostly inept midfield – a player who epitomised our miserable decline more than any other, whose habit of walking out of the way and allowing the opposition to walk unchallenged down the middle and equalise in the last minute was so regular an occurrence that his two show-tackles a game were well and truly eclipsed. I hope Boshell plays, because we should really know how to deal with him by now. Certainly, I won't be welcoming him back with any great enthusiasm.

Not so Eastleigh's Jack William Midson, who I will hail as a hero of the game. Unfortunately the great man doesn't grace the Blundell Park turf until 21 March. If you don't know who he is, Midson scored one of the greatest, greatest goals in the history of English football. Here it is again – you can never get tired of seeing this. Enjoy.