Cod Almighty | Diary

Eat the rich

21 November 2014

I used to get really upset when Town conceded a last-minute equaliser, but after several decades I have taught myself to block it out and move on. Things you tell yourself include: a football match lasts 90 minutes, not 89. If you should be murdering a team and you're not murdering them by the last minute, it's your own fault – you've had time. And most reassuringly of all, if someone asks you in a year's time what happened away at Altrincham last year, you probably won't remember because it probably wasn't critical. So it's probably not worth shortening your life over.

So – five wins and a draw from the last six, and second in the league. What can there possibly be to moan about? Would we have taken this before the season started? I think we would. We have a really good squad of players without a weakness in sight (shut up, and his great disallowed header last week was NOT offside). But your faithful Retro Diary still can't quite escape the conclusion that by playing an incomprehensibly cautious one-up-front we're blowing the best opportunity we'll ever have to walk our way nonchalantly out of a rubbish league.

Hursty, in Monday's paper, made the slightly perplexing comment that "we are not playing 4-5-1". He describes what he thinks we are playing, and granted, it sounds like we would love it if we could find eleven players who could carry it off. What I've been watching sure looks like 4-5-1 much of the time, except of course when we're defending a lead at the end of a game, when it is most definitely 4-5-1.

Expanding on original/regular Diary's Thursday missive, I will next attempt to dig deeper into the Telegraph's multi-instalment epic on the rationale for the new stadium this week.

I should say from the off that I am not dead against moving if we're agreed that it really will help. I do like Blundell Park's idiosyncrasies, its old-style charm and its view of the sea. And I'm terrified of having to watch football in a low, symmetrical, cardboard customer-container like Chesterfield's or Shrewsbury's soul-destroying efforts. I'm not even asking for Original/Regular's diverse, elegant and egalitarian utopia in exchange. Actually I just want the new thing to have at least one really big stand, so it looks like a half-built top-flight ground rather than one that simpers sycophantically to the opposition that it will not provide them with a single squeak of intimidation.

Despite its length, much is not said in the Telegraph's coverage. Seven examples are given of grounds which are next to cemeteries, without any mention of whether the graves in those places are perpetually vandalised and cemetery-goers upset by lairy, pissed-off fans, which is the statistic we really needed.

An upturn in fortunes is reported from Chesterfield, Doncaster, Rotherham and Swansea after those teams built new grounds. Firstly, it doesn't take a genius to work out that exactly half of the top leagues' 92 teams will move upwards by chance alone. Also, these successes are not balanced up by salutary new ground disasters at Darlington, Coventry and possibly Oxford, or any of those teams who built afresh and went precisely nowhere.

In Wednesday's instalment it is suggested that York City's future 8,000-seater stadium could be used as a 'blueprint' for our own future 14,000-seater stadium. Yes, I too was under the impression that a blueprint and its realised endpoint had to bear some resemblance to each other, and I am hoping (oh please) that it's the 'enabling' stuff that is the blueprint, not the diddy ground.

And finally, it is pointed out that we have been at Blundell Park for 116 years, but if we don't move we may not survive. This without any mention of how, then, we seem to have 'survived' there for 116 years. If 116 years is a long time for a period building attracting thousands of people every week, then surely it's about time that big York Minster thing came down, and God help Stonehenge.

Town have finally signed Kiwi Hamish Watson, whom we welcome, and who has shaved off his beard in eagerness to succeed and defy fashion. We hope that this will be an inspired piece of speculation.

This week we have yet another Saturday–Tuesday home double whammy. Tomorrow the only way is Worcestershire, as Kiddy are our guests. Harriers are something of a 'nearly' team; never that bad, but specialising in unhappy endings. They have dire money trouble this year so their expectations might be slightly more modest than usual. Town's defence will be happy to hear that the ever-dangerous duo of Styche and Gash have been farmed out on loan, as has midfielder O'Keefe. Fine young centre-half Dunkley has also departed, signing for Oxford.

Hursty says that, despite this, we should treat them with respect – why, I can't imagine. We have a good chance of winning, unless we are one up with five minutes to go and are still playing 4-5-1, in which case we have a good chance of drawing.

Then on Tuesday it's Woking, who are shaping up to be this season's dark horses. I can imagine what a YouGov poll Woking fan looks like – he attends the Kingfield Stadium when Chelsea are away, and he might not be joining us on Skint. They have Garry Hill in charge, a kind of human hard-boiled egg, who we might remember accused Disley of diving for our last-gasp penalty equaliser last year. He isn't averse to a bit of interaction with the crowd, so if you're debating which stand to sit in, go Main for maximum effect.