Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 22 November 2014

Conference Premier

Grimsby Town 0

Kidderminster Harriers 2 Johnson (2), Byrne (49)

Attendance: 3446

On a showboat to China, it's Mr Scott Neilson. At least he was running around.

The least worst were Pearson and Magnay, who were overrun and overwrought trying to cover for the absent Aswad and Aristote. But being the least worst is not enough; we have standards here, you know. Craig Clay didn't put a foot wrong, simply by not putting a foot on the pitch.

Could it be the tactical genius and modern day Mr Motivator, TMFKAS? How about Long Tall Harry, the cuckoo in Town's midfield nest? Zestless Brown? Ephemeral Arnie? The preening Neilson? Toto the zero? Excuse me while I bend down and look underneath the barrel. Oh no, Aswad Thomas: shouldn't have worn pink tape on his calves, shouldn't have been playing. Ambled throughout. He was unfit in ways that only he can know, deep, deep inside.

"Both goals were at terrible times and in the end it looked like it was going to be one of those days."

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"I thought we did well at a difficult place. The early goal gave everyone a lift. The work rate was there but the way we kept the ball, it was as close to a complete performance as possible."

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Town are normally bad, but this was badly normal. Quite frankly, my dears, we're tired of life under Shirty Shorty. It is boring, barely even one-dimensional, rigidly pig-headed, ugly, overcautious timidball. At home some vim, verve, zest, brio and imagination are required. Playing a defensive holding midfielder with a single forward results in drossy stalemate when the opponents have no intention of opening up play.

Oh, we're second, so nothing is wrong, you say. How many points dropped already at home? All against the weak, the weary, the timid and terrible.

There was nothing anywhere that was salvageable from this wreck; individually they were a mess, collectively a shower. They showed no intelligence and some no heart. The buck stops in one place. Isn't this supposed to be our strongest squad ever in the Conference?

Did unto Town what Town have frequently done to others: turned up, sat back, set a trap, shut up shop. Adequately competent and sufficiently motivated, nothing more, nothing less.

Their keeper made a couple of decent saves, they counter-attacked well and, for the first hour, ran rings around Town in a minor fashion. When Town put two strikers on the pitch there was the hint of a suspicion of a possibility of frailty, but they had absolutely no problems whatsoever with the meandering monochrome misfits.

On what they have and are at the moment, they will not go down, nor will they go up, but will cause inconvenience to those with pretensions to promotion.

Six people booed. Everyone else stood up and went home in total and utter silence.

Mr M Coy (Co Durham)

The real Mr Coy turned up, unfortunately. He shaped up to be a blossoming fig leaf for our tree of Town tosh, but failed to even do that. Should have given them a penalty and didn't have any notion of the dynamics and mechanics of motion and ballistics. I couldn't give a fig if he never turns up again. 4.888.

Cluck, cluck, cluck, squawk. Some putrid poultry returned home.

In a word: wretches