Cod Almighty | Diary

Art, commerce, sausages

2 February 2015

Here is an unimportant announcement: this is your Deviant Diary welcoming you to Groundhog Day (aka Transfer Yawnline Day). Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for a very long day of nothing to do with us. The exits are on the blue button. We don't need no more educated left-footers, we don't need more players with ball control, for there ain't no hill or mountain Town can't climb these days after Shorty's sensational January refit. We're jolly happy with Ollie and Jolley and he's got Town out of the Aswad jam with Robertson. So far, so not rubbish. So let's hang on to what we got.

What about the weekend washout? If Loveable Lennie couldn't be on the ball, at least the commercial department were. Saturday's frozen flood was scientifically proven with the use of reasonably priced accessories available from the club shop – they're branding the bad news now. Personally I'd have used the Mariner-embossed heavy duty tape measure (£7.99) rather than the old staple six-inch plastic ruler to show the depth of the downpour.

It rained at the wrong time, that's all. Hey, you mad conspiracy theorists and amateur geologists out there in the cold, getting lonely, getting old, can you hear Shorty? He speaketh words of wisdom, saying it would have been like watching a Sunday league match had it gone ahead. It's the way he tells 'em.

How did you fill the sudden void? A bit of grouting? Feet up watching Columbo? Or a bit of art, a bit of shopping and some sausages? Don't write in, we don't want to know; let's keep it our little secret. We know that The Management went to Lincoln, not to look at some clocks and discarded cloth in uphill Impville, but some I-spying on the Doverites. At least they didn't waste their time staring at the Freshney falcons.

And when all's been said and done, out of the Bananarama Big Boys, Brizzle drew in the drizzle and the rest spent time with their families. No damage done above or below; the ship is still sailing on. To where? To Dover. Tomorrow just you wait and see.