Cod Almighty | Diary

Pretty vacant

5 February 2015

Good day, hello, it's Thursday, it's your original/regular Diary day, and it's all about well-off, ageing white men in suits. If I pressed my thumb against the top of your first knuckle joint when we shake hands, would you hold it against me?

First up, get out the black and white bunting because Town have finally cracked it. John Shelton Fenty, PhD, hopes his club's transfer activity during the January just gone hasn't been an unmitigated disaster this time. Which is nice, because every time Councillor Fenty speaks I experience a great sense of reassurance. When he says things are looking up, I don't just believe it – I feel it. Time and time again during his stewardship of the Mariners, he's shown he's a man to be taken seriously. When John Shelton Fenty, PhD, says he's getting results, he's getting results.

What?

When Stephen Marley is sitting at the breakfast table with his family, his nearest and dearest will no longer say: "Could the adviser to the GTFC board please pass the marmalade" after the Grimsby-area accountant was upgraded this week to full director status. Marley was brought in 15 and a bit months ago to assist in the Mariners' ahahaha haha proposed move to ahahaha hahaha new stadium and expressed a sincere hope that there'd be no more "false starts" with the project. His dreams have been realised, of course, as there have been no starts at all, false or otherwise.

And lastly today in well-off, ageing white men in suits news, should retiring MP Austin Mitchell become next High Steward of North East Lincolnshire? It's not a cracker joke: it's news. Well, Austin has never struck me as particularly retiring – ber, dum, and indeed tschhh – but before we can answer this question we must first consider what is a High Steward of North East Lincolnshire. Unfortunately, I've no idea either, but it's clearly a big deal, as the position is so important that it's been left vacant since the last High Steward died in 2011.

North East Lincolnshire: where abnormal is normal, where everything fails.

What?