Cod Almighty | Diary

What can the News Corporation teach us about news gathering?

10 February 2015

Ask no questions and we'll tell no lies, but Cod Almighty has come upon the transcript of a phone conversation that took place on Sunday. We won't go into details (our legal advisers insist) but both parties were called Paul. Key expressions occurring during the call were 'Cooke', 'Hockless', 'idle git', 'occasional good moments', 'messageboard stick', and 'say we should build the team around him'. There was a long stretch which is inaudible after that, and it was hard to tell if the two Pauls were laughing or crying. A heat-map analysis of the dialogue shows that the most important phrase used was 'get rid'.

In other news, yesterday it was anounced that Scott Neilson's contract at Grimsby has been terminated by mutual consent.

As the comic potential for Young's extending their sponsorship of the Mariners is pretty much exhausted, Middle-Aged Diary is going to revert to the GreatGYXI poll. You've already had team suggestions from Miss Guest Diary and All That and a Bag of Chips and Too Good to Go Down has marked your card for goalkeepers. It is of course, in the words of Keith Barret, a bit of fun. The chances of a workable, balanced team emerging from the vote are slim.

Three categories of players are potentially under-represented. Firstly, there are good players in unsuccessful teams. It so happens that there is a new CA article on the 1987-88 season which provides the prime example: Donal O'Riordan.

Then there is the kind of forward who is more a provider than a scorer. This is less of a problem for the Mariners as, whether by accident or design, we haven't been richly blessed with free-scoring strikers. When Clive Mendonca scored more than 20 goals in the relegation season of 1996-97, he was the first Town player to do since Jack Lewis in the mid-70s, another less than glorious period. From lack of choice, we are forced to consider the merits of players like Trevor Whymark, Garry Birtles, Tony Rees and Neil Woods.

Finally, there is the outshone midfield partner, the source of many a heated debate of the opposite kind to those which are generated about the likes of Scott Neilson. Instead of "why doesn't he play?", or "why isn't he played in his best position?", it's "why is he always in the team?". Go on, cast a vote for Bobby Mitchell or Stacy Coldicott. You know he'll have no chance of topping the vote, but think how smug you'll feel as you echo the words of George Kerr: "He's always the first name on the teamsheet."