Cod Almighty | Diary
Un homme dans une gare desolee
13 February 2015
Retro Diary writes: The inspired Great Grimsby XI debate has been immense fun this week, and it's only just getting warmed up. The teamsheet pretty much fills itself for me, with the only hint of a selection dilemma being whether to play Kev Moore at centre-half or his original left-back position. Never one to let an opinion go unexpressed, here we go, from back to front and right to left: Beasant. McDermott, Nicholl, Futcher, K Moore. T Ford, Groves, Waters, Bonetti. Drinkell, Mendonca.
So no place for England internationals Birtles or Whymark, which is tough, to be honest. I felt bad for them briefly, but then I remembered that someone else picked 11 Tony Cranes, and England international footballers don't generally need my sympathy to survive.
The hypothetical mixing of players from different eras is a common fantasy in all sports. That the greats can never play together sits alongside death, toast falling butter downwards and colds as one of the indomitable bummers of life that no amount of technology can ever resolve. Sadly, very sadly, we shall never see Ivano cross onto the head of Drinkell, except in our minds, where of course, he always scores.
Looking at my 11 legends, I thought: if we're really destined to be shit forever, then that would be the way to be shit. However high that team got in the league, I would accept that as our rightful place in the cosmic rankings, without any complaints about who was above us.
Tomorrow it's the visit of Bristol Rovers – or the Gas, as they like to be called. Unlike Nuneaton and Telford, we have a relationship with Rovers going back to the wonder years and beyond. Our record against them is finely balanced, and playing them will constitute a welcome nostalgic reunion. They were never a team we were in any sort of awe of – we once beat them in the second tier when they were bottom and brought only one fan, who we suspected was the coach driver. (Actually, I could have asked him but we weren't chummy with away fans in those days.)
This is a fixture you can measure your life by. In 1957 we beat Rovers 7-0 away. In 1980 the great George Kerr team played its last game at Eastville, a ground which once held 39,000 and had flowerbeds behind the goal. In 2005 they knocked us out of the FA Cup at home, on the day I met my wife. The last meeting at Blundell Park was in 2007, which Town won 4-3, with Disley scoring twice – for them. Then, as now, our flame-bearded captain and municipal treasure seemed to specialise in scoring should-be important goals in games that end in defeat.
The Bristol Rovers fans' sites are among the most entertaining around – even more so if you read them in the original Vicky Pollard. They're very cocky at the moment, having just beaten Lincoln wearing their own yellow third kit at home, the potatoes-for-brains Imps having brought only blue shirts (doh).
Bristol are expecting to bring about 300 tomorrow for what they're calling the Valentine's Day massacre. One rather sensible 'gashead' suggested that away attendance "might be down because it was a long way and it was Valentine's Day". Another didn't know what he meant, and another suggested that a few Rovers fans might be telling their partners to fuck themselves. I know. Get rid of Barnet – it's got to be us and them for promotion. Every day is love football day.
News down Brizzle is that Sainsbury's have agreed to buy Rovers' 12,000-seater Memorial Ground for £30 million, and Rovers plan to use the money to build a 21,700-seater stadium nearby in Stoke Gifford. Except that Sainsbury's now want to pull out. Rovers are holding them to the original deal, and they're going to court in May, where Rovers are expected to win, just a week before the Conference play-off final. If Rovers are in the final, which seems highly likely, that would be the biggest confidence boost they could possibly have going into that game.
Are you getting the impression, as I am, that the Conference's 2015 celebrations are already being lined up without Town in them? Our only hope to get out of this league this year is if Bristol get local thorn-in-the-side Forest Green in the heats, away second, start a riot because their fans won't fit in the ground, and get ignominiously banned. Yeah, all right, shut up.
And Town, meanwhile, start life without Scotty Neilson. I am nowhere near as accepting about this situation as most. Remember football is a game whose currency is talent. Without it you don't get far, and talent and unmanageability often go together. We could see from the stand that Scotty was lippy. He was the kid at school who never passed the ball: that is clear. Humble punters like me don't get to find out what happened – the Telegraph adds some more riddles today for unclarity.
But I know that even I was irritated at how often Scotty was substituted from games he could have changed. Whatever he wanted, couldn't we have given him it? The chances of this situation coming back to haunt us must be perilously close to 100 per cent, although he is not allowed to play for any club at our level this season, having cancelled his contract outside the transfer window. We should be grateful for small mercies.
For us, Scott Brown and JP still aren't ready. For them, Adam Dawson, man of the match against Lincoln, extends his loan from Leicester. Veteran Jermaine Easter from Millwall was their big signing in the January window.
Welcome back to a proper fixture in improper times. COME ON!!