Cod Almighty | Diary

Ignotum per ignore us

22 April 2015

There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know. True, when Donald Rumsfeld made this statement, it was in the context of the Iraq war and the alleged supply of weapons to terrorists. But journalists who were present at the briefing insist the then US defence secretary was referring specifically to the dates for the promotion play-offs in the Football Conference.

So, the known known: the dates have been confirmed. The first known unknown: we're just not sure on which of those confirmed dates Grimsby Town FC will actually be playing. The second known unknown: whether the lingering uncertainty of the first known unknown can be ascribed to the Football Conference, BT Sport, Grimsby Town FC, Humberside Police, or the unruly fans of Grimsby Town FC for needing so much attention from Humberside Police.

The second known known: whoever is to blame, Town fans will just blame the Conference anyway, and probably use the word 'tinpot' a lot, because cliché is a very useful way of hiding your inability to convert unknowns into knowns.

Need a bit of love after all that? Go and toss a small pebble against the upstairs window of Russ Wilcox, and the brutally sacked former Plucky Scunny manager will come out and serenade you. Wilcox, now strutting his stuff with GTFC feeder club York City, wants Town to prevail in those play-offs, whenever the Mariners' involvement in them should happen to fall. Why? Two reasons. One is current Minstermen loanee Danny 'Dan' Parslow, latterly seen reprising the Makelele role in matches up to and including Chester away. Two is the fourth division: it's full of bloody southerners.

The third known known: neither 'play-off' nor 'final' should take initial caps.

That's all the propaganda that's fit to print, which only leaves your original/regular Diary wondering where those pesky unknown unknowns are coming from. My money's on a morale-boosting club statement from John Fenty posted verbatim on the club's newly superb new official website on the morning of the play-off final.