The Diary

Cod Almighty | Diary

Balloon pricking

6 May 2015

Your London Diary here with a couple of hammer blows in this weird little bit of the season that can only be likened to that bit in between Christmas and new year. We've celebrated already but we have another big night next week where everything is overpriced, I'm comfort eating and nobody really knows what day it is. I was in my pants and slippers this morning organising the tickets for next weekend's trip (up the road for me, less than £2 on my Oyster, soz) and then two bits of information hit me like a Mitre Delta to the crown jewels on a frosty Sunday morning down the Ploggers.

First, the ref who will be taking charge of next week's final is none other than Ross Joyce. A simple Google search of "Ross Joyce codalmighty" comes up with the following: "Clattenburgian in his arrogant incompetence and wilfully antagonising. 0/10." And: "Ross Joyce will officiate tonight against Luton. Admittedly, his performance when he last crossed our path, against Gateshead, was rather serially incompetent than neglectful of the offences of the visitors. Nevertheless, to get the least worst of him, your Middle-Aged Diary recommends greeting his decisions not even with sarcastic applause but with silent disrespect. Accusing him of onanism or a sight disorder will only affirm him in his unrighteousness."

So, we don't have the greatest of synergy with the man and you could say he's doggers in ability. But hey, as long as we score more goals than the other team then we should be fine? Yeah? Yeah.

One of the men we want to score those goals is Ollie Palmer, who has apparently just been offered a new contract by Mansfield. I mean, couldn't they have just waited til a week Monday? A Twitter account has shown the Mansfield players who have been offered new contracts, with no real details at the moment. Palmer surely needs to concentrate on the job in hand and head back to Mansfield once the final is over? Yeah?

What would I know though? I'm just a man in my pants dreaming of coronation turkey. What would be great is if Palmer scores a hat-trick next weekend, we go up, and then Palmer chooses to stay with the mighty Grimsby Town. That's the plan. Anyway, I'm off to Tesco to get some bread sauce. Merry Christmas! UTM!