Cod Almighty | Diary

Some messages from your neck of the woods

11 May 2015

Should every English man and woman of voting age have "We fear change" tattooed on their foreheads?

Run through the fields and houses because there's something in the paper. You know they had to get it together sooner or later and here it is. With less than a week to go before strolling day, the traditional GT special amazing Wembley package is now, like midges in fridges, among us. Win tickets to get there. And back! Plus tickets to get in. And out! If you buy your local raggery in two specific places on one of two specific days you will find a Mighty Mariner mask to wear in That London.

They'll be laughing with you.

Westminster Abbey, the tower of Big Ben, the rosy red cheeks of the little children. Ah, London calling: 1998, 2008, and 2013. Yes, I was there too. And you know what they said? Well, some of it was true.

Do you remember our majority Fridge Magnate leading the community singing in Cockneyland? To celebrate a dozen golden years of Fentydom, Orphan Boy and Pisces will be performing atop Buckingham Palace, while our local rag is organising the huddled masses gathering in Trafalgar Square for the singing and the dancing in funny hats. Does this count as a static protest? There is no legal requirement to notify police that you wish to hold a static protest, but if you do start moving en masse then form 3175 would need to have been completed, submitted and approved with a minimum of six days' notice.

But hey, that's for political protests, not 50 trippers on a highwire tottering over the pit of pitiable cultural cringing and small-town stereotyping.

Yeah, there's nothing going on really. Palmer's had his hair cut, TMFKAS said bland things last week which are being desperately eked out and inaccurately extrapolated. The Brizzlers and their local press are saying exactly the same things as Townites, though not necessarily in the same order. There's always scope for local differences. They're the same as us, and we're the same as them, like two peas in a pod.

Roll on Sunday, when we'll see two glaciers slowly melting as they gently crawl across a lonely floor.