Cod Almighty | Diary

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down brothers on the instant replay

24 July 2015

Retro Diary writes: The week's big news – the sort of news, as they say, that 'puts it all in perspective' – is James McKeown's viral meningitis. Cases of the disease among footballers are so rare that you can name them individually. Daniel Sturridge, whose outbreak nearly stopped him playing in the Olympics. Lee Sharpe – a full ten years before his brief flirtation with Town. And for hardcore lower division devotees, Rae Ingram (Port Vale) and Avun Jephcott (Nuneaton).

The condition is contagious but not badly so, and in the other cases, routine testing of other squad members was carried out. Late diagnosis led to an outbreak in the Port Adelaide Aussie rules football team, which floored several players simultaneously in 2014.

Whil we seem to be taking an 'it could be worse' approach to James's misfortune, viral meningitis, although not the most serious sort, is not a trivial matter. Without being in any way a doctor, I am slightly worried by the prospect of him returning before it's strictly safe. The 'race against time' language used by the Telegraph seems inappropriate – you might be able to race against a hamstring strain or a broken metatarsal, but a 'race' against viral meningitis is surely going to be a race lost.

So take your time, James, and get completely well – we'll be very happy to see you back in the metrosexual pink however long we have to wait. Oh, and happy birthday today.

Talking of pink, you can tell a lot about someone's personality by the answer they give to the question "What did Gainsborough Trinity's extraordinary kit remind you of?" Some old romantic said: "An azure sea below a west of Ireland sea cliff topped with flowering heather and gorse." Which makes you wonder what it's doing in Gainsborough. Others said "a CMYK test sheet" (no, I don't know either), "a Bollywood film watched with a broken Sky dish", and "psychedelic Scrabble". All I know is that if I caught my kids eating anything that colour, I'd assume it contained banned 'e' numbers.

Before we jump to the obvious conclusion that such eye-catching horridness is simply an overreaction to dull surroundings, we should know that Trinity will be going back to their traditional blue for the season proper. Their sicky shirt is just a temporary promotion to kick off their sponsorship by Oddballs, a charity which raises money for, and awareness of, testicular cancer. Fair play to them for that, but I still don't think you'll see anyone with a ginger beard buying a replica.

Brigg's kit, as I'm sure we can all agree, is, in contrast, the very epitome of design perfection, and a timeless classic. What a shame they spoil the effect by calling themselves the Zebras.

If we were thinking that second division Huddersfield Town would dress with more self-confident sobriety, we were in for an unpleasant surprise when they turned up looking like some sort of radioactive road safety campaign. Their luminosity didn't help them as they managed a momentous one shot on target (from which they scored), while Town's assured performance, led brilliantly by Arnold up front, put the terribly dressed Terriers in their day-glo pyjamas comfortably to bed.

How cheering, by the way, to be described as "tinpot" afterwards by a defeated Huddersfield fan. Huddersfield are very far from my least favourite opposition – I always like to see them and their fans at BP, and of course we're united by a mutual dislike of Leeds.  But after a cursory glance at the head-to-head record between our two teams, I don't think that this piece of social media petulance will be spoiling our day. When it comes to Huddersfield I am inclined to generosity, and could make a case for describing them as our peers, although technically the Terriers need a couple more wins before they're at our heels.

Town's winning habit continued the very next evening against the Zebras, when a peculiar-looking team, with the boss at left-back, ran out 6-0 winners. Brigg Town are said to be the fourth oldest football team in the world, which makes you wonder "when do they give up?"

Pittman and Amond continued to look great together, with Amond now having scored in every game in which he has played. What a relief at last to have a player who reacts to a loose ball by inserting it tidily into the corner of the bag without fuss. When you watch Podge doing his day job you wonder why so many before him made it look so difficult.

Town's home games with Tranmere and Cheltenham have been brought forward to their respective Fridays for the telly, so put the dates in your diary. This means Town may not play at home on a Saturday between 3 October and 14 November, although there are two rounds of the FA Cup in between which could perhaps save us from B&Q. Happy days!