Cod Almighty | Diary

The Polyanna principle

31 August 2015

What's worse than a massive cheat? A massive cheat who is also a hypocrite. Oh, hello, Matt Rhead. Not only has the well-nourished Lincoln frontman and massive cheat has admitted being a massive cheat: he has, astonishingly, followed through by attempting to claim the moral high ground. "The defender has decided to grab me by the throat," begins Rhead in an explanation of the incident that led to Josh Gowling's sending-off on Saturday and the Imps' only meaningful shot on goal. There follows, of course, the usual abject self-delusion about falling over on purpose because you're a good professional. Then, to round it off, Rhead has the brass neck and staggering lack of self-awareness to say – of whatever Gowling did – that "you cannot do that on a football pitch".

Now, your original/regular Diary has not slept well, and probably drunk too much Talisker too quickly in the Kings Royal last night. But it seems to me that when Rhead has served the six-month ban he would receive for massive cheating in any sort of just society, he would face a consecutive, longer enforced absence from the game by way of punishment for crimes against irony.

And so to Macclesfield. Things we like about Macclesfield? The Silkmen is an excellent nickname; the Moss Rose is a good, traditional venue; they used to be managed by the fondly remembered Keith Alexander. When all the FIFA stuff was kicking off two or three months ago they did that 'cheeky bid to host the 2026 World Cup' thing. Things we don't like about Macclesfield? When Town played there a few years ago, in the run-up to an election, they broke FA regulations by handing over the PA system to the local Tory MP to broadcast propaganda. And earlier this year they basically told their fans to vote Ukip.

No, sorry, I can't find the link. So, local derby schmocal derby, Lincoln whatever. Today's the big one. If Town can beat a club that backs the fascists, we can walk away from the weekend with our heads held high. That's assuming the match goes ahead, naturally, because I've got one eye looking out of the window and the other at the forecast, and both eyes are telling me it's going to royally piss it down all day.

Hursts, you will be unsurprised to learn, is 'eyeing changes' for today's game – I know; when isn't he? The rationale this time seems to be partly that there was a match two days ago, it was hot, and playing with ten men took it out of the players ever more, which is all fair enough. Our defiant manager also mentions that it was a local derby so everyone's a bit emotional as well, which conjures an image of Toto Nsiala sobbing into a glass of white wine in the kitchen while Andy Monkhouse strokes his hair. As for the nature of Hursts's changes, we will have to wait and see. Wait and see, and hope, and pray, that they turn out to involve, say, Craig Clay returning to the centre of midfield, rather than, say, a backline comprising five left-backs, Amond and Bogle omitted from the 16, and a shock second debut for late loan signing Richard Brodie on tenor ukulele.

Last up for now, Town's youth team can concentrate even more on the league after being knocked out of a second cup competition within a week. Let's take a moment to congratulate the Mariners' newly superb new official website for giving the name of the opposition as Mansfield and not Manshfield, Mashford, Macclesfield or Gainsborough.