Match stats: Grimsby v Tranmere Rovers

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Friday 18 September 2015

Conference Premier

Grimsby Town 1 Pittman 9

Tranmere Rovers 1 Blissett 54

Attendance: 4368

Mini Report

Is Tomlinson a far-reaching proposal to improve the further education of Omar Bogle? The sturdy striker added bristle, gristle and whistling whackers with a cameo of clattering and chattering. He has come from afar and we like what we see, so far on the sofa.

Sponsors' man of the match: Craig Clay

There's been crying deep down inside the Dentists' Stand, so the ladies and gentlemen of the dressed salad decided there's only one way to get a message to you, the occasionally shifty Mr Shorty. Hello again Craig Clay.

Cod Almighty man of the match: Craig Clay

Well we laughed, but that didn't work, so there's only one way to get a message to you, the occasionally shirty Mr Shorty. Yes, it's that man again, Craig Clay for moving and tackling and reforming that pleasantly snug mortice and tenon joint with the Dizzermeister.

Our gaffer says

"It was frustrating that we didn't spark until they equalised. I don't know the reason for that."

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Their gaffer says

"Their goal was from a mis-header by their player and Pittman was the only one who reacted but Scott Davies couldn't do anything as his jersey was being held so that was disappointing."

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Us

It was all very mundane, middling and monotonous. Another Mariners mistake, another couple of points tossed away.

As if dumbstruck by Tranmere's obsession with lateral thinking and the realisation that shuffling sideways was all that was required, Town sleepwalked for an hour. Town were just individuals running around waiting for Monkhouse to head it sideways until nudged out of their snoozing by the concession.

Pittman scored and, well, that was it. Bogle wrapped himself in riddles of his own making, passing even less than normal. Tranmere twigged Town's tactics eventually and Monkhouse never won a header in the second half, while Arnold was in one of his ephemeral moods, flitting into view now and again. The back six were perfectly fine, with the central midfield having some solidity and cohesion, which was nice.

Tomlinson perked things up, so at least there's that to hang your hat on.

Them

The fluorescent flouncers still seem struck by Munchausen syndrome, that pathological need to draw sympathy and attention for the psychological trauma of relegation to the Bananarama.

Credit where credit is due: their depleting, bleating defence did block shots well. Their midfield passed the ball quickly to each other quite often, sometimes even moving towards the Town goal. Their attacking and attackers were feeble, always keeping two chevrons apart from Toto and Gowling. Like every Town game this season, they scored because of a woeful error. They wouldn't and couldn't have scored otherwise.

Listen up Semi-Scousers, here's a warning from history. I know you can play, but we've seen it all before. We just know. I'm pretty sure that Tranmere's gonna throw it away, 'cause I remember the mistake that every relegated team make.

Tippy-tappy typewriting only keeps you in the basement.  To rise up from the shop floor you need a bit of oomph. They don't have enough oomph yet, these flimsy squirrels from the Wirral. Maybe they'll learn quickly. On this showing they'll be exactly like Town were in the first season down here in the boggy bottom – bemused and unamused by a failure to get in the play-offs.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

The Pontoon poets know that when you're in Matlock Bath you don't need Sylvia Plath. A bit of bouncing and braying kept the players going.

Official warning

Mr M Coy (Co Durham)

M is for the mistakes they sometimes make. Surely a bit of controversy is part of the game's appeal?
Was not aided by two distinctly dodgy linesmen, nor his determination to avoid booking anyone. He didn't lean one way nor the other, and he was at least consistent in not having a fetish for yellow plastic-coated card. Here's a number: 6.666, and it has been devilishly difficult to decide on a dodgy enumeration.

Readers' digest

A couple of good whacks

In a word: litotes

Line-ups

Town: McKeown; East, Gowling, Nsiala, Robertson; Arnold (Mackreth 85), Clay, Disley, Monkhouse; Pittman (Tomlinson 70), Bogle

Subs not used: Mackreth, Pearson, Tait

Tranmere Rovers: Davies, Ihiekwe, Sutton, Hogan (Holness 33), Hill, Dawson, Jennings, Harrison, Mekki (Blissett 52), Jackson (Maynard 71), Norwood

Subs not used: Mangan, Turner

Booked: Blissett