Cod Almighty | Diary

Take it away, Grapper

29 January 2016

Retro Diary writes: I remember well the supporters' coach I was on driving away through the streets of Cardiff in May 2006 after the play-off final. The slow progress through the traffic was accompanied by a veritable Mexican wave of cheering, gloating Cheltenham fans in red and white on the footpath outside. I remember my thoughts exactly. Yes, OK, calm down, you're only fucking Cheltenham. It will be a maximum of three years before we're above you in the league again.

Well, it's nearly ten, and although both teams have dropped somewhat, the little club from the Whaddon Road World of Smile is still hovering over us, blocking our progress. I can't help thinking – isn't it about time they just got out of our piggin' way?

On what should have been be a brighter note, the best fish and chip shop in Britain was announced last week. Oh good, you say. The winner? An establishment called Simpson's, in, yes, you guessed it, Cheltenham.

Now I don't believe for one minute that Cheltenham has better fish and chips than us, any more than I believe their football team is in any way destined to forever lie above Town in the league. "Our batter has no MSG or bulking agent," they proudly boast. Woohoo. Yes, but your fish looks like battered stickleback. Get out.

Those of you with access to BT Sport got to watch our not-so-temporary, purple-clad nemeses play away at Dover last week. Cheltenham played the way we knew they would. They got up and down the pitch as a unit very well, and they never gave up. To their credit they were neither dirty nor cynical. Apart from that they looked entirely ordinary.

Late on, they seemed to have succumbed to a screamer from one of the two best players on the pitch, both of whom wore the white shirts of Dover. But the Robins still managed to win, helped enormously by two of Aswad's celebrated naps, thus spoiling what had up to that point been a highly satisfactory weekend for us.

We could now very much do with winning the away encounter with Cheltenham. The good/bad news is that it joins the Forest Green away game on the telly, with the good/bad news also that it's now on the Friday night. Bad for football, on the whole, I think. Good if you work in Binns or live in Vancouver.

Forest Green further compounded our agony in midweek, winning in injury time against Southport – their third one-nil victory in a row. But the background to all this demoralisation is that behind the scenes, Town are getting better and better, serially casting off decent players (often upwards, weirdly) and leaving a squad of ever more distilled quality. Surely, I mean surely, we have nothing to fear from Cheltenham or Forest Green. The only question is: have we left it too late to catch them up?

The podcast finishes by saying: "You know what Grimsby's like – the fans are horrible, the club's horrible. If you're listening from Grimsby, have a safe trip"

Tomorrow it's Gateshead away. The crowd may be slightly boosted by the fact that Newcastle and Sunderland are both out of the FA Cup, so have no games. Despite some of our recent travails against this tiresome outfit, they are still not a team we need to be nursing any serious hang-ups about. They remain, though, the club who I most dread Town finishing up like.

The most recent 'Heed Army' podcast makes an entertainingly home-made and at times cringingly laddish listen. Whether they're really a bit thick or putting it on is not completely clear. Fan Richard, having just taken the taxi ride from the train station to Plainmoor on the outskirts of Torquay last week, exclaimed: "Fourteen twenty-three! I'm not paying that!" Riding companion Andrew replies: “Richie, that's the clock."

The Grimsby player they most fear is Nathan Almond – apparently he's scoring for fun. That's a good thing – I think. The podcast finishes by saying: "You know what Grimsby's like – the fans are horrible, the club's horrible. If you're listening from Grimsby, have a safe trip."

So. If you're listening from Grimsby, there's your motivation in one. We don't need another six – any victory will do.

As I write, Hursty is leaving the introduction of his clutch of follicle-tingling new January talent 'til the very last minute. I've been telepathically willing him on all morning so I might be the first to bring you news of the happy arrival(s), but in a minute I'm just going to have to cut my losses and hit 'send' empty-handed. Actually Hursty implies in today's Telegraph that he might have missed the boat – his phone has a smashed screen and is in danger of being chucked into a field, he says. The best I can do for gossip is to report that James Alabi has now left Ipswich by mutual consent. If there is any news on signings today now I hand it over to Monday's diary, or a late editorial intervention. [No, but Mackreth's gone – ed.]

The hugely promising Josh Venney has gone out to Boston on loan. I suppose it was inevitable given the current competition, but if his limited stature doesn't put a ceiling on his aspirations it wouldn't surprise me if he finished up being the highest-achieving midfielder of the bunch. There's certainly a very good young player in there, as Boston will soon find out.

For Gateshead, Rodman and Oster are gone, but McLaughlin and Ramsden are still there. Micky Cummins and Lee Nogan are on the coaching staff. We are told to watch out for top striker Ryan Bowman, and the pace of CJ Hamilton. Yes, that's 'CJ'. The Ref is Steve Rushton of Staffs, whom Mr Tony Butcher described as "tremendously terrible" last time we saw him.

For us, medial ligament damage and a rather less serious ankle injury keep out Gregor Robertson, so a defensive reshuffle of some sort will be needed. Danny East is probably OK now, and will certainly occupy the bench at least. Josh Sunter is expected to be in a pot for six weeks so can't help. UTM.