Cod Almighty | Diary
I was choking on a cornflake, you said have some toast instead
3 June 2016
Retro Diary writes: It's Friday and all's well! Thanks go to Middle-Aged and original/regular Diaries this week for pointing us in the direction of the Guardian's piece on the resurgence of Cleethorpes.
Cleethorpes is, like other holiday resorts, the Guardian says, witnessing a revival. Our revamped pier is 'pier of the year', and our stylish bars, boutiques and home-grown artisan outlets wouldn't be out of place in any city. We win 'In Bloom' every year. With a clean beach, sea air and dry climate, and lots of dining opportunities to compete with fish and chips institution Steel's Corner House, Cleethorpes is "cleaner, prettier and wealthier than stigma suggests".
Well, yes – those of us who live here know that. These days it's the east coast's best kept secret. And the chance to see some pissed woman tottering on unfeasible heels beating up her boyfriend in the middle of Market Square at midnight on a Saturday just adds to the charm. No, I'm serious. That's my childhood you're talking about.
Er… hang on, what stigma? Apparently, by 'stigma' they mean the Sacha Baron Cohen film, which, last time I heard, was called Grimsby. Gets you thinking about our old split town, doesn't it.
Cleethorpes is indeed on the up. I always say to folks thinking of moving here, Cleethorpes is great, as long as you don't become detached from the rest of the world. Read at least one national newspaper a day. Get on a train every now again and see what's happening out there. Don't forget about the arts, and don't lose touch with the nation's great institutions. But as far as your everyday environment is concerned, the miles of glorious public space, glittering coastal wildernesses, low cost of living, friendly people and infrastructure geared up for pleasure-seeking holidaymakersall make Cleethorpes a little corner of paradise.
And it has League football now too, which is the absolute dog's bollocks icing on the cake. Stick that in your pipe, Margate.
But Grimsby? OK, I would never say it's got nothing to offer. That would be unfair. But it can be described, rather generously I think, as 'stagnating'. All attempts to rescue it just seem to fail. You have to ask yourself, is it actually unrescueable?
GTFC are currently making everybody feel brilliant about Grimsby, which moved a whole seventh of the population of the town to go all the way to London to sing its praises twice in eight days
Let's say, for now, that it is. So you've got GTFC, currently resurgent and making everybody feel brilliant about the place, with a strong youth element to its following, which moved a whole seventh of the population of the town to go all the way to London to sing its praises twice in eight days (the number would have been double that had it not been on TV).
Football is the only context in which anybody not from here would ever even think about it. And the club is trying to relocate. This will involve tens of millions of pounds of investment with revised infrastructure, associated businesses and new social enterprise.
Well, wouldn't you know it, Grimsby – it's just an idea, but why not use one to solve the other. I know it's been said a million times but hey, if we put it enough different ways, maybe eventually someone will get it. Freemo, of course, is the rescueable, unrescueable spot.
Back with the ol' bag of wind, I'm glad to see that latterly, most of the chatter is of Town launching a second consecutive promotion push. Talk of 'consolidation' makes me nervous. Consolidation, like luck, is to me something that only exists in retrospect. Surely you don't start the season aiming to finish in the middle? Leicester City have amply shown that at no level in football is an aim to finish essentially nowhere appropriate. You aim to thrash everyone in sight, whether that's how it turns out or not. Aiming to 'consolidate' is like saying you aim not to get too many points.
In a week when news is decidedly thin on the ground we are delighted to see that midfield maestro Captain Disley, his able understudy Josh Venney and ever-present stopper James McKeown are back on the books, the latter apparently turning down a third division club to sign for two years.
Out of all the millions of people I've never met, Craig Disley is the one who feels the most like a family member. Rather fabulously, Dis and Mrs Dis have both pledged to join a whole bunch of fans in getting 'three fish' tattoos before the end of the summer. This is, as far as I'm concerned, so brilliant that it could well project us to promotion on its own. I no longer care whether the captain's legs have gone or not – freedom of North East Lincolnshire for them both, please. And, Craig and Stacey, if you finish up backing out (tattoos, after all, being both painful and permanent), don't worry about it – you will go down in our estimation not one jot.
We have another pre-season friendly now to add to the Blades bash, away at Boston on Tuesday 19 July, at 7:30. There is a limited number of Halifax Wembley matchday programmes available from the club shop for £5. And do have a look at this from the club.
Lastly, this week our sympathies go out to all those injured when lightning struck a kids' football match in Hoppstaedten, south-west Germany. Apparently the bolt came out of a blue sky and struck the referee. Whatever you're thinking right now, don't say it. Here at CA Towers we support youth football and all those who make it possible everywhere in this world it occurs. I haven't been able to get an update, but we hope everyone's OK and recovering. UTM.