Cod Almighty | Diary

Simmering Summer

10 June 2016

Retro Diary writes: Midsummer approaches, and after the burst of excitement following the signing of Danny Andrew, the news emanating from Blundell Park flatlined for a while, being resuscitated this morning with a rather vague rumour of interest in Plymouth centre-half Peter Hartley as a possible replacement for Toto who supposedly has ‘other options’.

Of course there is transfer cat-and-mouse going on in the background all the time but its nuances seldom reach as far along the food chain as our good selves. Hursty will have his phone next to his sunbed, waiting for a handful of players to whom he’s made 'take it or leave it' offers to pee or get off the pot. He can’t tell us who they are, not because we can’t be trusted with the info (although to be fair we probably can’t), but because to be too keen or dive in too soon will drive their wage demands up. So patience is order of the day.

At this time of year, agents are trying to create mini-auctions among their players’ suitors, and in the background, players subject to speculation regale their agents with "where?" and then "fuck off" when they’ve looked at a map. Personally, I’m not interested until they actually sign. So if Emmanuel Frimpong is out of contract and someone’s dad says they’ve just seen him coming out of Ocean Fish Bar, don’t tell me, I’m too busy doing something else. Peter Hartley anyway, is the rumour – there, I’ve done my bit – please don’t blame me either way. If something happens just after I’ve hit 'send', your indefatigable editor will have to fill you in, that’s if it’s not too late even for him.

Four promotion-winners, Podge, Arnold, Tait and Toto, are yet to sign. They may or may not be intending to rejoin, but if they are they will no doubt present themselves in well-spaced single file corresponding (fancy that) with dips in season ticket sales. There may well be little bursts of sales activity after a signing, but I’m yet to be convinced that 'news management' has any effect on the total number of season tickets sold by August.

Personally, I’m getting a season ticket for the same reason I always do - because I can’t control my legs on a Saturday dinner time. I’m shouting "B&Q! B&Q!" But they just take me to Blundell Park instead. I’m pretty sure the vast majority of season ticket holders are just the same, irrespective of the timing of summer signings. So if you’re going to re-sign, you four, just do it, or we’ll just have to assume you’re holding out for the bright lights of Glanford Park and aren’t really bothered.

Elsewhere, of passing interest, Tranmere seem to be intending to start the next campaign with a forward line of Connor Jennings and Andy Cook, both signing for two years. Mmm. Those two at their best could be OK, but in a division where you really have to finish top, I fear for them. That is, of course, until I remember I don’t care.

Football-wise, from this evening onwards our attention might be diverted by the Euros. Good luck to your team, whoever they are. Personally as an England follower, I can’t tell you how glad I am that the insufferable Lampard-Terry-Cole team has finally fucked off. Deep down, even I had slight misgivings about wanting that team to succeed. Only when England can play with joy and abandon again - which means with no expectation - will supporting England become the pleasure it should be. One major step forward though, the one that will make all the difference; the one to really bring the joy back, has been made this time round. I refer, of course, to red socks. If you wait long enough you see, the world catches up.

Last summer, with no international football, we had the incredible progress of the Operation Promotion-ometer to keep us paying attention. This year we can be similarly entertained by watching the Brexit thread on the Fishy approach, and possibly smash through the 50-page barrier. Flippin’ Ada.

The pre-season friendly schedule is taking shape nicely. We start, as always, at Cleethorpes Town on a very early-looking 6 July, but don’t go to Bradley Community Stadium as usual – this year it’s at the Linden Homes Club (Laportes as was) at Love Lane Corner, where there will be a beer tent and hot food as well as a first gander at the new squad. We follow that up with Alfreton (A) on 16 July, Boston (A) on the 19th, Rotherham (H) 20th, Sheff Utd (H) 23rd, Gainsborough (A) 27th and Oldham (H) 30th. Yes, a couple of those look a bit close together to me, too.

UTM