Cod Almighty | Diary

Monkey Hangers 3-0 Grimsby Town

20 June 2016

So what's in the news today then? Shit.

Devon Diary writes: Out of all the players yet to commit to Town I guess we all expected bad news when it came to Podge. I mean, there aren't that many out–and–out goalscorers available on a free, and seeing as Vardy came from non-League, all the big clubs will be on the lookout for a rough diamond. Yep, if we were being realistic we expected to lose Amond. But what we probably didn't expect was to lose him to Hartlepool. Couldn't the Monkey Hangers just leave it at 8-1 without rubbing it in by repeatedly signing our players of the season and most agile centre-back?

We're all smarting with this news since Mail reporter and Town fan Tom Farmery broke it. The big question on everyone's lips in NE Lincs is why Hartlepool? What do they have that we don't, apart from Carl Magnay and Toto? Well, in Gary Coxall they do have a chairman who didn't vote through the Football League's ridiculous proposals for B teams in the Trophy. But is sanity in the boardroom enough to lure a player? No, probably not.

This morning our fans are nursing the same feelings they had at school when their first girlfriend dumped them for their classmate Dave, despite him not having any obvious qualities which they were lacking. Even after buying her a bar of Dairy Milk when nobody else would give her a second glance and offering to take her to the pictures, she still went to see the film with Dave instead.

Those feelings of loss lead to us throwing accusations at both club and player. Accusations of a lack of ambition at the club are fine: the club can take it. Rumours that the club actually offered a far better contract to Amond in January are yet to be confirmed by either party but if so then suggestions of penny-pinching might be a little unwarranted. Right now we don't know the whole story so we should probably just sit tight. Maybe by the time the facts emerge we will be distracted by a new favourite, just like when we got over the loss of our beau to Dave when Charlotte – you know, her with the honey-blonde hair – arrived at the school from out of town.

Some comments from fans on social media about players leaving the club are totally unfair. I know there's a view that they can take it because they're professional and it's part of being a footballer. But to suggest that players aren't loyal or are only interested in the money is bang out of order. What else have we been saying? If they don't want to stay and wear the shirt then we don't want them? All that talk of unity and a crack at the fourth division was just that – talk? Bollocks! We nudge and nag a player to stay for the best part of a month only then to say he might not be good enough for the Football League when he's linked with a rival? Really? Read a little Greek perspective on it.

Players leave for many reasons but before we criticise them for it, consider the theory of a slightly more recent thinker. Abraham Maslow said this, basically: we care about our health and wellbeing first and then our safety (and this includes finances). If we have that sorted then our family and our need to belong come next, followed by a need to be recognised and appreciated. If all of that is licked, only then does ambition come into it.

In the case of lower-league footballers, they are healthy enough, of course – but they need to make a decent living and to think about what comes next after what is a relatively short career. They need to earn enough to support their families and not be scrabbling around for a new job every summer. Maybe Podge would prefer to stay at Town, but if it makes more sense for him financially, with a degree of job security, then of course he will move to Hartlepool. We all would, wouldn't we?

What's that? Does that make sense of all transfers in football? Well, no. Just as the laws of classical physics start to break down when we approach a black hole, so the application of Maslow's hierarchy of needs to the reasoning of Premier League players doesn't really hold up. Instead of providing for themselves and their families, such players would seem to be driven by slightly less traditional needs: basically, wanting to be seen as more wealthy than their peers or to have a crack at their teammates' wives. Maslow would probably have torn up his papers if he'd been around for the Premier League era and John Terry.

Anyway, I digress. Let's just reflect on a great season and accept that players move on for whatever reason. Thank them for everything they gave to us and welcome them back with a smile and a wave if they happen to pitch up at Blundell Park next season wearing different colours. Trust me, you'll feel better for it and they'll maybe regret moving on.

Let's take our minds off the bad news with something more positive. Yes, that's right – Town have the verified blue tick on Twitter at last, but you probably want a little more than that, in which case, in the absence of actual news, let's have a quick look at this morning's rumours.

There's still nothing concrete about Taity's move north of the border to Motherwell. Nathan Arnold has been linked with, er, Stevenage and if the rumours are to be believed then a fifty quid pay rise was all that was on the table at Blundell Park. Per week, mind, not annual salary. Ahem.

In terms of incomings, former loanee Andrew Boyce recently became available after a stint with our friends up the A180. This one seems close to a done deal and would seem to make a lot of sense with Toto gone. Another defender linked to us is Ben Davies, who recently picked up a fair few plaudits at Pompey's end-of-season awards do, although his age would seem to be against him as recent additions in the back four suggest Hursts is looking to youth. Forget Dizza's legs for a minute or two, OK?

Northern Ireland international midfielder Michael O'Connor has rejected a new contract at Port Vale, with one of the deciding factors being the commute from his home in Lincolnshire. As he used to play for both Scunny and Rotherham, this one too would seem to have some legs. As indeed does the Ginger Pirlo.

The curveball from totally leftfield is the suggestion that Dominic Vose might be heading our way down the M180 after being linked with us in January only to then join Scunthorpe. The former Wrexham man didn't seem too impressed with a move to Cleethorpes back then – but maybe that was more to do with his club sticking him on eBay without telling him, rather than any real aversion to us. A loan or a permanent signing? Dunno, but we definitely need a couple of nippy wingers sharpish before pre-season starts, and he'd fit the bill for sure.

Finally, and perhaps more crucial to our chances next season than any departure or new signing, the trim on the new third kit is confirmed as teal, not green. Crisis averted.