Cod Almighty | Diary
If bad PR were an Olympic sport, and similar predictable musings
9 August 2016
Wicklow Diary writes: It's difficult for an organisation to be competent all the time. You need the right people with the right training working together to a shared objective. It's not cheap and it takes time and constant attention. That's why many companies are so poor and don't survive long in a competitive market.
However, if you're a monopoly a different set of rules apply. You can do whatever the hell you like. Initially the bad decisions will be met with annoyance and anger. After a while the audience will realise they are powerless to change or stop your behaviour. For their own sanity, many will probably tune out or treat future decisions with indifference. The monopoly is free to do what it likes.
This process is found at football clubs and even governments all over the world and we shouldn't feel ashamed that we have succumbed to it at Town. If it was a tin of beans or a mobile phone company, you could jump ship and let it wither and die. That's not going to work with your football club.
The Olympics have a similar thing going on. The IOC and FIFA are facing off in a battle to death. Anything you can do, we can do worse (the FA is considering an entry to this death match tournament). The corruption, the drugs, the incompetence. We're all sick of it. Then the games start and suddenly I'm glued to the TV for two weeks. The more obscure the sport, the better. The essence of the sport and achievement draws me in. A lifetime of training and preparation all compressed into one or two life-defining moments.
Except for the beach volleyball. We perfected that in 20 minutes in the back garden last night. It's a doddle.
Just like the IOC, Grimsby Town FC know they have us hooked. Blundell Park was electric in opening-day Saturday sunshine. The non-League exile was over. But the football club is one of many things that have been left behind with the town down the years. We find it difficult to reverse trends in Grimsby, even when the problems and their solutions seem obvious.
Bucking that is part of what made Saturday special. Often, we just fall behind and then run a bulldozer through the problem in an attempt to catch up – like ABP is about to do to the Kasbah. ABP has a death grip on what is left of the physical remnants our fishing heritage, just as John Fenty has on GTFC. We can't get rid of either and we've got to put up with their actions, no matter how destructive or plain daft they may seem.
I don't want to write about this stuff and you probably want to read about it less. We've got a great tie to look forward to tonight. The League Cup is where we do the damage. Liverpool, Everton twice, Villa in '91, Leicester in '97, Derby and Spurs in 2005. Around fifteen hundred Mariners are going to descend on whatever Pride Park is called this season in search of more glory. That's what we should be excited about.
The two hours when we are actually playing are the safest time for a Town fan. At least while the game is on it should minimise the chances of a board member saying or doing something ridiculous
The two hours when we are actually playing are the safest time for a Town fan, even when we're facing the heavy artillery of Derby County. At least while the game is on it should minimise the chances of a board member saying or doing something ridiculous.
I've said it before: the club can do things well. Oddly, it's sometimes the delicate dink over the keeper after beating six opponents that they get right, while shanking the open goals. The club's acknowledgement of Graham Holness' support has been just right. Making a fuss without a fuss. He led the teams out at the friendly with Cleethorpes, and the club laid on a VIP experience and executive box for him at the Morecambe game.
Leading the teams out on Saturday was a less serious challenge but tricky nonetheless. If the summer's PR was a guide, no-one would have been surprised to see John Fenty and Lee Mullen in matching crowns driving an open-top Jag out to the centre circle while Wagner attempted to lead a baying Pontoon in the Iceland hand-clap. Instead we got a raised match ball and a smile of contentment from Dave Boylen in a beautifully simple and understated gesture which said we're back.
On the flip side we get the almost relentless stream of a different nature coming from board members. There's a parody Fenty account on Twitter. After the England manager's post, it must be one of the toughest jobs in football.
Andy Carr deciding to retire from his role as Mighty Mariner was one of those PR open goals. Whatever the reasons behind his departure, a simple and banal template statement thanking Andy for his 16 years and wishing him all the best would have sufficed. Fenty couldn't stop there. In a parting David Brent dig he announced that not only would we save on Andy's wages but his departure would actually make us money: we can get random punters to pay to be Mighty Mariner at each game. A ludicrous suggestion when you consider the range of interactions Mighty has on matchdays, from mascots and guests of the club to visiting fans.
This statement wasn't the highlight of Fenty's day though. It's one thing having a facepalm among ourselves; it's another matter when a national rag takes up a story. Unfortunately that’s what happened when the tampon smoke-bomb statement (did I really just type that?) made its way to an organ befitting its absurdity: the Daily Chuffing Mail. The Mail loves a good smuggling story. The only surprise was that it didn't add an immigration angle.
The voices of acceptance say just enjoy the Morecambe win. Yes, but what if the only thing that's going right is the team on the pitch? It's not sustainable if the board doesn't get a grip.
Team news. Josh Gowling received a one-match ban for his red card on Saturday and will serve the ban tonight. If you're looking for family ties and good omens, Ben Davies spent three seasons at Pride Park from 2011 to 2014, and beat Derby at this stage of the competition last year with Pompey. Another good omen is that we've won both games we've played at Pride Park (in 2002 in the league and 2005 in the League Cup). Cloughie will be there tonight – they've a statue of him with Peter Taylor outside the ground. That's all the excuse I need to plug this article about Town's family ties with one of Clough and Taylor's other clubs.
Rams boss Nigel Pearson expects to field a strong team. Paul Hurst says it will be a tough test and that we'll need to be "organised and disciplined". Can he give the board this instruction too?