Cod Almighty | Diary

If B teams are the answer, was the question "What next can we do to wreck professional football?"

31 August 2016

Time to catch up with an old friend of Cod Almighty, D'Wayne Fandango. The heartbreaking tales of his endeavours to fulfil a childhood dream and don the black and white stripes have enriched many a transfer deadline day diary in the past. This year, alas, the dream is dead.

Since we last heard from him, both D'Wayne's parents have died. When Overmighty City came in with an offer that Town could never hope to match, he knew he owed it to his eight brothers and sisters, financially dependent on him, to put on the famous number 87 jersey of the Overmighties. Last night, he finally made his debut, as a late substitute in a Football League Trophy game, before an attendance of 1,121.

That crowd was boosted by a group of 'fans' ushered in, swaying slightly, by the commercial manager, shortly before the kick-off. Not only did they boost the numbers, they boosted the atmosphere. The only chant heard throughout the first 45 minutes was "Where'sh our free beer?".

Asked how the appearance of over-age non-England qualified players in B teams will contribute to the success of our national side, a Football League spokesperson is said (though only by Middle-Aged Diary) to have replied: "Isn't it obvious? We've given loads of people the chance to catch up on all the 1966 anniversary features they missed out on last month."

Talking of Football League officials, chief executive Shaun Harvey, the mastermind behind the "rejuvenated" trophy, held a similar role at Leeds when they went into voluntary administration in 2007. Scan for the name Harvey in this piece, read the two paragraphs that deal with the administration and the Football League's response, and then ask yourself just what questions the interview panel asked of Harvey when confronted with his CV. And who on Earth were the other candidates for the post deemed less appointable?

Harvey's part in the Leeds fiasco involved him denying knowing who his employer was. That uncertainty persists to this day. He certainly appears to put the interests of the Premier League ahead of the people who pay his wages. 

The Mariners' contribution to the debacle of the Football League Trophy was to appear before the lowest attendance recorded for a competitive match at Walsall's Bescot Stadium. To their credit, neither the Walsall Express & Star nor the Grimsby Telegraph forgot their responsibility to touch on the context of the game as well as the on-field action. Although the prize for 'telling it as it is' local journalism for last night goes to Jon Colman of the Carlisle News & Star.

After last night's game, Hurst dwelt briefly on the performance before admitting a couple more players had rejected a move to Blundell Park. The search goes on today. You can keep up with the news on the official site's blog. To date, one player has already signed and the paperwork is being completed on another.

Twenty-four-year-old Shaun Tuton joins us from Barnsley (the new new York City), for whom he has made seven sub appearances. An ex-Halifax player, he took the pitch at Blundell Park in last season's 7-0 defeat. As a striker, he may not have touched the ball though. We can dream that his shots-to-goals ratio will soon have us pondering the politeness and acceptability of the expression 'Tutonic efficiency'.