Cod Almighty | Diary

Whatever happened to Sacha Baron Cohen?

14 October 2016

It’s the weekend again, and I’m hoping a stinking cold won’t get in the way of one of my big days of the year. The lovely city of Cambridge, you see, Town’s destination tomorrow, is one of your faithful Retro Diary’s old stomping grounds. No, no (ahem), I didn’t go to university there, but thank you for asking. Whaddya mean you didn’t ask? Cheeky buggers.

The strength of the link between Cambridge University and Cleethorpes is hard to overstate. The relationship between our town and Sidney Sussex College was forged in 1616, when the College purchased over 600 acres of farmland in Cleethorpes. They did this with the help of a bequest by one Peter Blundell of Tiverton, who had no connection at all with our area, or knowledge of what we would put in place in his name. The rents from the Cleethorpes land provided income for the College for many years.

In the mid-nineteenth century the College applied to allow building on the land, and all those similar streets around Blundell Park were the result. Many of Cleethorpes’s street names stem directly from the good folks of Sidney Sussex College – from benefactors (Taylor, Blundell), tutors (Daggett), students (Cromwell), masters (Phelps), staff (Davenport), to of course the founder, Lady Frances Sidney Sussex, who also gave her name to the respective Park and Rec.

The College only relinquished its ownership of the land on which our team plays in the 1960s, selling up and investing in the stock market instead. Probably wise, but we can safely say that it was the end of the free fish and the dirty weekends.

From Jesus boots on Jesus Green to punting along the 'Backs', it probably doesn’t need saying that culturally, Cambridge is a very different place from Cleethorpes. (Relax - "punting along the backs" means something completely different there). My bezzy Cambridge-supporting mate Pete, a lovely bloke, is a renowned authority on ladybirds. Another reads Anglo-Saxon literature in her spare time.

Last month, in the Cambridge News, a headline article reported, shockingly, that a taxi belonging to Abdul Kadir (not the cricketer, one assumes) had been 'torched' by a masked arsonist. Neighbour Dr Chris Wallis, who was forced to flee the house with his partner, said "It was 4am... I looked out of the window and the whole thing was a bright orange glow, like Dante's Inferno".

D’ya know, I bet that’s what they said in Ladysmith Road when Bird’s Eye burned down. I bet it was.

I’ve since met a Cambridge friend who regularly passes the torched taxi, who says that it had been for sale for three weeks beforehand, and suspects that it was burnt at the owner's request. Not so much Dante as Machiavelli, I hear you snigger. Not at all like Bird’s Eye, then. Shut up.

But in Cambridge, it’s 'town' not 'gown' that tends to go to the footy. Even the regular folk of Cambridge tend to be rather civilized, which, along with a yellow home kit, is something I always take to be a sign of cannon fodder (sorry Pete). Having said that, it hasn’t always worked out like that – we’re ahead of them on the head-to-head record, but not by much. They were clearly better than us the season they went up from the Conference, including the last time we played them at home in the league, a Tuesday evening when I found myself at the back of the Pontoon standing next to a bloke in a Town shirt who looked exactly like Sacha Baron Cohen. He hasn’t been since - I think he needs a rocket up his arse. Er… oh.

Initially backed to do well, Cambridge have had a poor start to the campaign. Having said that, they seem to be picking up now, thanks in no small part to keeper Will Norris, who has saved no less than five penalties so far this season, including two in stoppage time in a 2-1 win over Accrington on October 1. The good news, of course, is that they’ve given away five penalties for him to save.

It looks like Town will have another large following tomorrow. I’ll be the one with the red, streaming eyes and a pack of Kleenex Balsam. I’ll do a turn of the bookshops beforehand I think – Cambridge has some beauts, if that’s your thing.

For us, the game comes too soon for Sean McAllister and Ashley Chambers, although they should both be back soon. The rest are OK.

UTM