Cod Almighty | Diary
Up the Mariachi Mariners!
25 April 2017
Wicklow Diary writes: Let's start today with news of the latest from the Tinpot League standings. Saturday's opponents Barnet have picked up a valuable three points to keep pace with last week's fixture-and-ticket meddlers Cheltenham. Yesterday, the Bees released a vague statement regarding this weekend's fixture, informing us that "items deemed inappropriate for live football will be denied entry".
Eh, what are you on about? The unofficial word for the past couple of weeks has been that inflatables would not be allowed in the ground. So I suppose we can conclude that the wording refers to that. If going, I'd pack a couple of Harry Haddocks in my pants just to be on the safe side, though.
Seriously, the shark assault case wasn't embarassing enough? Stewards, local plod, in fact everyone associated with Barnet FC came out of that sounding like a right bunch of eejits. This compounds it. Toddle back to the Conference if you can't play with the big boys.
From destruction comes creation and from the ridiculous comes the, err, even more ridiculous. The type of sublimely ridiculous shenanigans that we here at Cod Almighty fully endorse. Trev Hewson has the random answer to the blow-up ban and has started Operation Mariachi. You've always dreamt of hearing 'Up the Mariners' done by a mariachi band and now's your chance. Trev wants to bring a band to Barnet on Saturday. It's a chance for mariachi to give something back to us too; the genre owes us big time for rehashing 'Sing When We're Fishing' as 'Guantanamera'.
The crowdfunder is well on its way to the £1,000 required to book the band. Don't be put off donating if we've hit the target by the time you read this – any surplus will go to the official Disabled Supporters Club.
I bloody love GTFC and our supporters. Quite what Barnet will say when they're asked if mariachi is "appropriate for live football" is another matter. Who knows, they may wake up and see it as a chance to redeem themselves by joining in. A mid-table end-of-season match with little to play for: heavens forbid there might be a fun atmosphere with people enjoying themselves. Up the Mariachi Mariners. I've thrown a tenner in, although it would have been nice to see some rewards à la Operation Promotion; a Kenny Meech signed shark or a replica of the steward's blood-stained hi-vis jacket and autopsy photos, perhaps?
From the Tinpot League to tinpot football league administrators. (I know 'tinpot' is used a lot but please note, I only ever use it when I encounter genuine 24 carat tin). Today is the 'EFL Day of Action'. Sounds impressive and it seems to involve some laudable community aims and projects. Yesterday the league of inaction finally got round to making a statement on the Leyton Orient mess. Convenient, that, now that the Os' relegation out of their league has finally been confirmed.
We can sigh and be glad that it's not us going down the pipes like Leyton Orient. That's not enough, though: one day it could be us
Where to begin with it. It's full of so much handwashing and hot air that you won't be allowed within a mile of Barnet's ground with it on Saturday. How about the irony of the league saying – after months of their own inaction – that "Silence is not an acceptable response" from the Leyton Orient board? Or "The role of the EFL is one of a competition organiser"? Utter nonsense when you go off on misguided pet projects like the Whole Game Solution with illusions of rescuing English football. A genuine day of action would see Shaun Harvey and his chums removed from the league board.
We can sigh and be glad that it's not us going down the pipes like Leyton Orient. That's not enough, though: one day it could be us. The answers won't fit in a diary but they surely include a more robust and thorough 'fit and proper persons' test and greater fan representation/ownership.
Back to the pitch. Russell Slade has ambitions. He's already talking of promotion next season. He's right. I didn't like the "get to 50 points and we'll see what happens after that" comment from John Fenty at Slade's unveiling. I understand the non-chairman is trying to set expectations and not put undue pressure on the new man – but save it, John. If my kids wanted to go to Meggies and I told them we'd get as far as the A180 and 'see what happens', there'd be war.
We'll probably need a few players to do the job next season and, to this end, we've arranged a closed-doors friendly with Barnsley this afternoon. Russ told Radio Humberside he would use the fixture to plan for next season, before hastily adding that his focus is still on three points at Barnet as a passing board member leaned in from the corridor.
Russ will run the rule over players who haven't featured in his three games as well as at least one trialist. If you're worried what dregs could be knocking around without a club at any stage in the season, just remember Danny Collins was out of contract when we picked him up (for balance, so was Anthony Straker).
There was bad news yesterday for young goalkeeper Oakley Heath-Drury. Despite encouraging progress and being a regular with the reserves, he will not be offered a contract for next season. Better news, though, for fellow youth-teamers Tom Sawyer and Jack Keeble. Both have been offered professional contracts and will make the step up to the first-team squad next season. Our best wishes go to all three.
Finally, the club is looking for a head of coaching. Quite where he/she fits in relation to Neil Woods in the organisation chart, or whether you can find such a person online, I am not sure. I'm all for it, however, if they can help the Drinkell I noticed in the Yeovil programme's youth team pen pictures to one day follow Sawyer and Keeble into the first-team squad.