Cod Almighty | Diary

A slayer of dragons, a prince among professional footballers

31 May 2017

What would you like to know about Sam Kelly, the latest recruit to our playing staff?

At the age of six months, his godmother dipped his foot in the water of a holy well; he is bound to score with any shot he makes with that left foot. When he was eight, Kelly was playing in a cave when an oracle appeared and told him that he would never lose a match played within 100 yards of a railway track. When his signing was announced at noon, the ghost of Johnny Scott was seen moving east from the boardroom; the sages take this as an augury that Kelly will become the second Town player to appear at a World Cup.

OK, let's re-phrase the question: wishful thinking aside, what do we know about Sam Kelly?

He's a 23-year-old left winger who played under Paul Wilkinson at Norwich academy but had been released after two years at Port Vale. He's reputedly quick. He's signed a two-year contract. And Middle-Aged Diary can't listen to the interview but if he said that he had a few offers on the table but once he heard Grimsby were interested, he was keen to sign, you owe me a pint.

If I sound jaded, its not about Kelly, its about the flim-flam puffery that surrounds every signing. We all wish him well, and we look forward to watching him in action. That'll say all that needs to be said.