Cod Almighty | Diary

I could never figure out how your man stayed up on the surfboard after 14 pints of stout

8 September 2017

Wicklow Diary writes: An unsettling dream last night. The plans for the new new stadium got snapped up and used by another club. Keanu Reeves and Kurt Russell were involved. Even laid-back, tuna sub-eating surfers have deadlines. They went poncing off to Barnsley when they felt they weren't getting backed in GY. Fans pondered events briefly and decided they were shit non-League plans anyway and we were better off without a project that didn't really want to be here.

Don't read too much into all this. The dream ended when Clive Mendonca made a cameo appearance wearing a Town shirt and riding a galloping pony on Peaks Parkway as I got chased out of Steel's by a jumbo haddock that was trying to eat me.

With nary a peep on the Nuntydome lately, what could have triggered such a landslide in my subconcious? Well, my LinkedIn stalking of Town's stadium partners resulted in an email job alert boasting that "EXTREME's unapologetic attitude and youth focus has created a truly unique business that delivers". That's third of a match with GTFC then. Ba-dum-tish.

Back to life, back to reality and this weekend we've got our traditional early kick-off with Mansfield. We should feel proud – this is a honour normally bestowed on blue chip fixtures like Man U v Liverpool. As the trust and our SLO have pointed out, it's a chance for Town fans to show off. For those who go, anyway; we haven't sold out our allocation. Has the league buzz started to wear off? The early kick-off didn't prevent Paul Hurst's Black and White Army ensuring a sell-out last year. Maybe a scheduling clash with another inspirational leader is a problem for those in the Black and White and Red Army; Jez Corbyn has a 1:30pm kick-off in Mansfield tomorrow.

Staying on the colour red, tomorrow we will no doubt renew verbal hostilities with Stags boss Steve Evans. He's had some shady, unsavoury moments but, you know what, as long we don't have to employ him, he adds a bit of colour. I know it's mostly purple or puce, but it's better than looking at some tailored touchline twat who looks like he fell out of GQ with the free aftershave samples. A 'throwback' is what our halfwitted American cousins call such a character. So, brown envelopes aside, carry on Steve.

I have visited the Stags' forum so you don't have to. Just as the Fishy usually has a thread on Lincoln (they're obsessed about us, by the way. We're not obsessed about them though, LINCSCUMBUMTITTY), Mansfield have a thread dedicated to Chesterfield. Lots of sheep mentions. Sheep shaggers. Sheep touchers. Sheep warriors. Webbed wankers. The inbreds. Christ, football is boring sometimes. I'm all for a rivalry, but give me some wit or some humour.

Once you've waded past that shite, the consensus is that their rebuilt team is due to click and give somebody a tonking. We obviously hope that the expensive gears keep crunching and sticking for another week at least. 

For us, Woolford, K Osborne and Bolarinwa – or "Bolarina", as Russ called him during the week – have knocks and are 'being monitored'. Better news is that Sam Jones and Danny Collins are available again after suspension, and this makes me feel a lot better about the squad. Just don't play Sam on the bleedin' wing Russ.

That's all folks, but do check out the new postbag. We're an insecure and lonely lot who love to get feedback, be it praise or criticism. So get scribbling. Have a great weekend and UTM.