Cod Almighty | Diary

And it's Jimmy bloody Tarbuck on a Sunday as well

27 October 2017

An intriguing stat of the week – you may not have seen this – is that the EFL actually have more despicable human beings per square metre than Stevenage Football Club. Incredible. Doing what those stewards allegedly did is one thing, but failing to recognise the importance of the issue and failing to take the appropriate action – while never actually denying that the offences took place – really is something else. It took them two months to say nothing.

Your West Yorkshire Diary, for one, would really like to know the full extent of their investigations. But sadly, for whatever reason, I just have this image of an overweight misogynistic man sat in a musty office with the blinds down eating a doughnut with his feet on the desk – probably with a mildly crumpled copy of one of those lads' banter-and-boobs magazines draped over one of his legs, guffawing at a story about someone else's misfortune.

And the EFL's freewheeling fuck-up truck gathered even more momentum yesterday when it took their crack team of technical experts over 100 minutes of earth time to bring us what was meant to be a live broadcast of the League Cup fifth round draw on Twitter. Of course, this was Twitter's fault, and not the EFL's – even though, as anyone in business will tell you, that if you employ external people to carry out your work, they are simply an extension of your business.

The EFL was entirely culpable for what ended up being a shoddy pre-recorded showing of the draw. The trouble is, that pre-recorded draw probably was fair but, such is the deep-rooted mistrust of the organisation, it naturally led people to speculate over the integrity of those fixtures – especially as the four biggest teams left in the pot all managed to avoid each other. Given their track record for failing others, it's no surprise they don't help themselves. Or maybe they can't help themselves – particularly when their pupils dilate and morph into an S with a line running vertically through it.

These people are meant to be protecting and growing our national sport. Instead, as a direct consequence of their awful governance, I'm boycotting at least three matches a season due to the abomination that is the Football League Trophy, and I'm also boycotting any future away games at Stevenage. I haven’t watched a minute’s action of the League Cup this season either, and I'm certainly not the only Town fan doing and feeling these things. And this is happening at just one of the 72 clubs they’re meant to be representing – god knows how much damage they're driving into the game elsewhere across the other 71. When you add it all up, they're making fans in their thousands turn their backs on football. Just how long is Harvey and his posse of cretins going to be allowed to continue running and harming lower league football?

There's a scene at the end of The Mummy where an evil dude gets his comeuppance because his greed kept him in a room of gold while the doors shut all around him. Then, when his flame burns out, darkness falls and loads of beetle-like insects eat him alive. Not sure why I just thought of that.

Right, I've drawn breath. What else is going down in the world of Grimsby Town? Well, despite earning an extremely strong reputation for not progressing any youth players into the first team at Blundell Park across two-and-a-half years of stewardship, Russell Slade says he's all for the idea of Craig Disley potentially returning to the club to help develop the Snapchat generation. Given Russ’s penchant for signing experience, I'm surprised he hasn't looked at Disley's age and considered re-signing him as a player. The fact he's a central midfielder shouldn't put him off if he's not already perturbed by our extraordinary wealth of central midfielders already at the club.

And that brings me on nicely to the progress that both Sean McAllister and Jamey Osborne are making. To be honest, I'd totally forgotten that McAllister existed. Even if he somehow – and bear with me here – got himself fit for the first time since August 2016, would he ever get near the first team? Right now we have Berrett and Summerfield starting, with Mitch Rose on the bench and Osborne to return. Plus, we're told, Ben Davies and Sam Jones can play there, with Harry Clifton also capable. Let’s not forget about Chris Clements either, who's not fit enough to play games for us but fit enough to play regular 90 minutes for Barrow.

Meanwhile, we also have a wealth of wingers – to the point where I forgot we had Tom Bolarinwa. I don't deny he's a bit of a wildcard, and I honestly can't see his long-term future at Town (but then, who can you say that about?) but it certainly feels like we have a lot of footballers just wasting away. Not only does this drain our resources, it also damages their careers. I mean, when you're released in the summer, how do you sell yourself to a new club when you've barely started a dozen games in the last 12 months?

Still, let's not get bogged down by all that. We're in that part of mid-table that's almost threatening to be interesting, especially given the context of our six-match unbeaten run and seventh place suddenly appearing on the horizon. Apparently, it's our longest undefeated run since returning to the Football League. Is that a surprise to you, or not? I'm still trying to decide.

Tomorrow the Mariners take on Cambridge who, it could be said, are also comfortably mid-table with an eye on the play-offs. They've taken seven points from their last nine, including a goalless draw at Lincoln. Hopefully we've got all our 0-0s out of our system for the season and we can be entertained by a humdinger of a seven-goal thriller that ends in our favour and not the visitors’ (like on the opening day of the 1991/92 season, for those of you who remember it).

Enjoy your weekend and UTM!