Match stats: Grimsby v Cambridge United

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 28 October 2017

Division 4

Grimsby Town 0

Cambridge United 0

Attendance: 4091 (214 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: Luke Summerfield

Rewarding persistence in a field of pestilence Mr Luke Summerfield, for being Berrett's beard.

Cod Almighty man of the match: James McKeown and Ben Davies

Two fine saves and a box set of blocks saved Town's day and mean James McKeown and Ben Davies earned their corn.

Our gaffer says

I thought there would be goals, there looked like there would be goals but both teams had to defend and were stretched at times and had to be resolute.

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Us

What's that Russ? It's important to stay in the game? It's also important for the fans to turn up and to stay in the ground.

Taking off our only sparks left the engine running on putrid pond water. I know Woolford was an irritatingly ineffective ball boy and Scott Vernon was the incredibly shrinking man, but there was a dark mystery at the heart of Town's midfield. Whither James Berrett?

There is nothing new to say about anyone, ever, at all, anywhere. At least we'll see Town players on Tuesday, not Slade's Memorial Home for incurably underwhelming joggers.

Them

Big men. Medium sized men. Small men. A classical rotunda for a goalkeeper. They came, they piddled about and then they went home.

Chick Pea Soupman was impressively immense, tirelessly troublesome but utterly useless at shooting; he would work much better as a mobile distraction unit. He'll score by accident now and again.

The rest of 'em? You know, whatever. Younger and more athletic than Town, but equally inept at anything but standing in the way. Not as anonymously awful as Crawley or Yeovil but as totally tedious as Town.

Not bad enough to go down, not average enough to go up. See you next year for more of the same.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

The loud hum-drumming of despair at a recurring dish of desultory dross.

Official warning

Mr S Stockbridge

Nothing overly dreadful, just the usual tut-worthy tooting and peeping tomfoolery. He could have taken a tab of acid at half time and livened things up, but Mr Boring just let this cat neuter itself in the bag of trite titterings: 6.666

Readers' digest

Jones, Jones, Chicken Dupiaza and groans.

In a word: indigestible

Line-ups

Town: McKeown, Davies, Collins, Clarke (C), Dixon, Dembele (Jaiyesimi 84), Berrett, Summerfield, Woolford, Jones (Hooper 71), Vernon

Subs not used: Killip, Mills, K Osborne, Kelly, Cardwell

Booked: Dembele, Berrett

Cambridge United: Forde, Halliday Legge, Taylor, Carroll, Mingoia (Maris 78), Deegan, O’Neil, Elito (Ibhere 63), Brown, Ikpeazu

Subs not used: Mitov, Taft, Lewis, Dunk, Foy

Booked: Halliday, O'Neil