The Diary

Cod Almighty | Diary

Nothing like a brisk constitutional

29 December 2017

Wicklow Diary writes: Middle Aged Diary is correct, we need a stirring. He also fears no one is reading over the Christmas period. Well, this is for all you Town fans out there, leaning on a bank of tumble dryers in Currys and grabbing a crafty five minutes on the phone while the kids run wild in small appliances.

When Jamey Osborne departed on loan, both he and Russell Slade reassured us it was for fitness and personal issues. Devon Diary had his doubts, painting Russ as the new alpha lion culling the Bignot cubs. Accrington Stanley's visit to the Park tomorrow was given by both player and manager as the target for his return. It is a great disappointment that this will not be the case. Osborne is gone for another 28 days but is available on an 'immediate recall'. Eh? We either want him or we don't. With about seven man of the match performances in five games, I certainly do.

It's been a fear at CA that Osborne was not a Slade player. Surely there is more to it than that. The player's now deleted tweet on the matter suggested half-wanting to be here plus being half-wanted here equals zero Jameys?

Slade is a stubborn old goat but even he must see we need something different in attack. He claimed at this morning's pre-match press conference to want the player back. Osborne's personal circumstances are obviously a large factor and these should never be understimated. Let's hope he and we can get it sorted. It ain't looking good though. He's playing great in Solihull. If the will was there on either side we could get him over to the east coast. It's the midlands, not Mars.

Also emerging from the Conference was the news that one of the Bignot cubs is to return from the dead. Chris Clements will come back from his loan at Barrow, although a timeframe wasn't specified. The question may have been asked but everyone was reeling at the dumbfounding news that Dave Moore had been struck down by a bug and missed his first day for 17 years (the time when he picked up a nasty graze fighting off that Godzilla/sea monster thing near Spurn Point).

All this Osborne business adds to the feeling that Town are a right chore at the moment. This shouldn't be. Usually I find a new GTFC hat under the Christmas tree and this, along with several dozen mince pies, refuels me for the second half of this season. However, the off-pitch sagas continue and modest improvements on the pitch still feel like regression. I happened upon a clip of Town at Luton last season. A clip of a move involving Comley, Andrew, Vose, Bogle, Summerfield and Chambers. The slick passing left Luton chasing shadows and we were inches from goal of the season.

A year later we're looking at the positives at only losing two-nil in the same fixture. That was ancient history of last autumn. The present certainly feels like winter, watching us struggle to put six passes together and waiting for the dullest and most predictable substitions since D Parslow was on the teamsheet.  

The counter argument is that a couple of wins and we'd be in the automatic promotion places. This is a benefit of being rubbish enough to be in a rubbish division, I suppose. Promotion talk is still viewing the world through rose-tinted beer goggles in a fair wind and following seas. Our defence is solid enough (putting aside the fact that it is founded on three players with a combined age of 150-ish) but our attack is a misnomer. 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 3, 2, 1, 0, 0, 1 tells the story.

Will our problems will be solved in the transfer window by the men who signed three strikers in the summer with four goals between them so far? Strikers that don't strike? It's like Buckley without the passing, promotions and moustaches.

I could have a spring in my step if we were building something. If Harrys Clifton or Cardwell got a game, for example. Has anyone actually seen Clifton lately? The poor lad isn't even out on loan. This brings me to the worst part. The building that Slade refers to in post-match excuses statements will start all over again in May. It's not a stretch to see seven or eight of the players involved against Mansfield gone at the season's end. Then we'll spend three panicky months trying to find some more cheap veterans and Premier League kids to plug the gaps.

I'm avoiding looking at the table. If I look, I see Lincoln up there. A reminder that we're going nowhere. Fair play to the Imps: they have used their promotion as a springboard. They'll be in the third division next season with 8,000 season ticket holders cheering on Matt Rhead before we've sent our 3,000 renewal forms.

Happy new year.