Cod Almighty | Diary

What is the third round of the cup

3 January 2018

Seemingly unable to get any goals out of the seven forwards already at his disposal, Russell Slade has vowed to splash the cash on another one during this month's transfer window. The previously straight-talking GTFC boss has explained his plans to the Grimsby Telegraph in terms that take a worryingly Fentyesque turn towards gibberish, but in one of the less unintelligible snippets Slade says strikers "can be [expensive], but we know what we want. Let's say that, and let's hope we can get what we desire." And remember, kids – without building a new stadium on zero market research in a fantastically dreary location, it just won't be possible to sustain a football club that likes to keep eight strikers on the books at all times.

Your original/regular Diary notes, however, one potential solution to the Great Grimsby Professional Footballer Mountain in a transfer rumour rolling right down the M180 as we speak. Scunthorpe-based club Plucky Scunny are said to be interested in Sam Jones, who I think might have scored some goals for Town this season and last. Jones is widely believed to have the right hump with his manager about, well, nobody's quite got round to making that part up yet. But if there's anything in the Scunny part, then Slades will surely be rubbing his hands at the prospect of offloading a talented goalscorer signed by someone else.

In people nearby doing brilliant things despite most of everything being terrible news, GTFC have revealed more details of the event taking place later this month in the run-up to the Sporting Memories fixture against Luton. At McMenemy's on 24 January there'll be a play called The Last Memory which looks at the effects of Alzheimer's disease and already sounds like it will make me cry. There'll also be a programme of words and music curated by poet and GTFC fan Gordon Wilson. Tickets are on sale now and all proceeds support the Sporting Memories charity. More details and booking are available now on Town's official website.

Let's finish on a cheery note. Across the Humber estuary, as climate change takes effect and the seas rise, the question is being posed of whether or when the city of Hull might need to give up on its tidal defences and simply evacuate to higher ground. What of the south bank? Some Town fans are anticipating the need for a phoenix club once John Fenty's work is complete – but why stop there? Tweet or email us your ideas for a phoenix town!