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Cod Almighty | Diary

So when you call up that shrink in Beverley, you know the one, Dr Everything'll-Be-Alright

23 March 2018

Wicklow Diary writes: One question divided opinion at last night's Meet the Latest Manager. Not the answer, which Michael Jolley fielded with tact, but the asking of the question itself. "What does James Berrett bring to the midfield?" Usually I wouldn't agree with singling a player out like that. However, you've got me at a bad time. Need a nugget guaranteed to break the ice at parties? A German study indicates a player has control of the football for an average of 1 minute 21 seconds per game. That's all.

It's not a stretch to suggest that the 81 seconds are secondary, that the game is won and lost in what a player does in the 5,319 seconds when they don't have the ball. Let's ignore the misfortune of Berrett using part of his precious 81 seconds to set up Lincoln's third last week. When he didn't have the ball, he did this for their second, as illustrated by DN35 Podcast (welcome back fellas, we thought you'd left with the YouTube ground hoppers).

Berrett allowed a player to run past him. This isn't a lack of skill or talent. It's a lack of shifting your arse.  OK, he expected Nathan Clarke to have more commitment and enthusiasm than a recently deceased fish, but as Alan Buckley tells John Tondeur every week, a player has to be an optimist in attack, hoping that the opposition defender will make a mistake and a pessimist in defence in case his defender does the same.

These are the basics. It's unacceptable to watch a man run past you. If you then watch that man set up or score, you're asking to be dropped. Maybe not from the Dock Tower but at least pushed off a medium-sized stepladder.

Is this unfair – to pick on a particular player, and one who earned us a point with a goal in the previous game? Yes, probably. In some ways, Berrett is a square peg in a round hole. He is not the creative fulcrum that the team is desperate for but has ended up in the role through a dearth of options. But he is not completely innocent either and in this regard is one of many we could highlight.

So let's throw a few more in for balance. Think of this as the fanzine version of Telegraph's "We've not been very good lately" series. Clarke can get a mention, obviously, for not clearing man and ball in that build-up to Lincoln's second. And why not Siriki Dembele as well? Has the peroxide from his hair has seeped into his brain? Premier League clubs looking at him? Were they impressed by him rolling around on the turf feeling sorry for himself v Port Vale?

The players are getting great support, far better than they deserve. But there comes a point where it's no time to be making friends. If you concede a goal and you're scratching your head on the edge of the box, a "better luck next time, old chap" isn't going to cut it

I'm not advocating shouting abuse during a game. However, these lads need to know what's at stake and if that requires constructive criticism now, it's a damn sight nicer than the public flogging they will get if we go down. They'll be first in the Freshney after Fenty and Slade if we get the chance.

The reason we are in freefall isn't a lack of skill or talent. Slade dismantled the team, but we've enough to be in mid-table. Too many players think they can hide in games. Freewheel through the next couple of months, see out their contract and forget what happened. For Berrett it would be his fourth relegation in five years – to go with York or Yeovil and Carlisle. Is he collecting them to complete a set?

I've always been one to encourage the players. Up the Mariners rather than Fuck the Mariners. But we have been encouraging the players. They are getting great support, far better than they deserve. They'll get it again at Coventry tomorrow. And there comes a point where it's no time to be making friends. If you concede a goal and you're scratching your head on the edge of the box, a "better luck next time, old chap" isn't going to cut it.

Thankfully, Jolley seems to have twigged this. Berrett, Clarke, Dembele and all the rest are professionals who can perform. He has sports pychologist Bill Beswick coming in today to remind them of this. Ignore Beswick's association with the national team and instead listen to his work with Manchester United. He teaches that attitude is a choice; the mind is the athlete, the body is just the means. Avoid the crappy links, and carefully select the audio on this link. You'll end up being inspired and wishing we had Roy Keane on the team.

You've heard similar before. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. Advice that works as both a warning for the talented and a game plan for their perceived inferiors. For us, it has to be our mantra. Football won't matter for the next eight games. Every point will be fought for. The goals will be scuffed rebounds going in off a post or from some set-piece pinball.

In our favour is the fact that our fellow strugglers are utter tripe. We haven't won for seventeen and we weren't exactly cutting a swathe before that. Yet we're still afloat. Also in our favour, tomorrow at least, is that McSheffrey seems to have some Papa Shango voodoo over his hometown team. 

That's why they call it a relegation scrap. Jolley needs to gather his squad in the smallest, dankest room in Cheapside and ask: "Are you prepared to fight for this team and this town?" Anyone not up for it can go home. If Jolley's team bursts its collective lung between now and May we will stay up.

Forget hollow words in the Telegraph. Forget about the first goal. Forget about being unlucky: we don't have time for a bunch of polyester-clad ninnies feeling sorry for themselves. No #gameday tweets. No pre-match huddles or prayers on the pitch. Actions speak, not gimmicks done for show. We want to see every player hurting and ready to chuck up their breakfast when they come off the pitch. Make every second count, with or without the ball, and refuse to lose. Up the Mariners.