The Diary

Cod Almighty | Diary

We're the Sweeney, son and we haven't had any dinner

11 May 2018

What are you still doing here? The film's over and the credits have gone up. You got your happy ending, now move your feet, we need to clean the place up. Apart from the sticky floor, that's part of the multiplex experience. Chris Clements? We don't know. Only One James McKeown? No news. Now clear off out and support Shrewsbury or something. Oh, hang about, Wilkie/Wilky/Wilko has left.

That's another spot to fill on Michael Jolley's summer to do list along with about 10 players. I probably won't have a clue who the new boys are when they sign, even if we shared a division or played against them last season. My recollection of the opposition begins and ends in kit colour and whether they fielded any unusual hairstyles. Maybe it's age, maybe it's a necessary sacrifice in trying to keep track of the 20 bodies that Town turnover every season.

I couldn't have told you a thing about any of Hursty's signings for Town, except doublebacks like Marcus Marshall or Conor Townsend. Actually it's not a new thing. I'd never heard of Dave Gilbert, Tony Rees or Neil Woods. Paul Groves? He knocked us out of the cup two years running and I didn't know who he was apart from not being Perry Groves. Actually, your Birtleses and Futchers aside, it's when you know the name you need to worry. Warhurst, Webb and Beagrie, I'm trying to forget you.

Jolley will have to assemble and craft a team. Division four is real football and it takes real coaching. It's not the Premier League, the noisy Hollywood blockbuster crammed with overpaid stars and explosions and CGI. You get the big name director in, chuck it all at the screen and hope it sticks. It doesn't need a plot and if it turns out to be rubbish complain about the ball or something.

Over the next few months, we'll get guys in that the brains trusts online and in the pub might grumble about. When it comes down to it, Michael Jolley is looking to win an Oscar for his budget arthouse production (Ed: ok, we get it on the film thing). Thankfully, the last couple of months suggest that he has what it takes to do this. It's all about the coach. To garble John Lennon, I'm a coach, if you give me a lower league cast-off, I'll get a tune out of him.

If films (Ed: seriously, enough) rely on seven basic plots, football, as much as pundits like to complicate it, probably relies on even fewer. To pick an entirely random example, let's look at Shrewsbury. Paul Hurst has assembled a side based on organisation and team spirit using players that other teams overlooked or released.

Everyone speaks about the bond that Hurst brings. Macca's old and new mentioned it again recently. New Macca did so in a rather brilliant interview that pains me to say was in the effing Express.

Without a doubt, that dressing room for those couple of years was the best I’ve ever played in, which makes a big difference.

I remember walking off at half-time, we were leading 2-0, and Toto (Nsiala) was crying. I’ll never forget that. I said: “Why are you crying?” He said: “Because we’re so close, aren’t we?” I said: “Toto, there’s 45 minutes yet.”

The Original Macca knows a thing or two about Town dressing rooms and squads which means we should probably heed his reveal to Kris Green at one of the excellent Sporting Memories gatherings.

Let's leave Hursty to his fairytale ending with a Wembley win over Scunny or his beloved Rotherham but stay with Kris Green. I've been wary of online polls ever since a lad down the road from me got voted Time Man of the Century. Here's one worth getting behind. Kris is down to the last three for a trip to the World Cup. Yes that World Cup. Get on here and vote for her suggested slogan of 'DRIVE FORWARD AS ONE' to be daubed on the side of the England bus this summer. We might even get a Moscow Diary out of her.

I'll end on Town winning stuff news. We've got the best programme in the division. Well done to Jack Johnson and his team. Finally, the under 18 futsal team are national champions for the third year running. Some of the CA team are a little shall we say 'unsure' about the futsal but I'm always happy to see the black and white shirts doing well. Is there anyone out there that can enlighten us on it?