Cod Almighty | Diary

Gravity is an example of what

31 August 2018

It's readers' Friday on Cod Almighty. We're using the all-important five game milestone as an opportunity to ask Town fans for their thoughts on the season so far.

First game, fifth game or any game in any season, it matters not one whit. Cleethorpes is timeless. A glimpse of floodlight from Riby Square? My heart starts missing a beat, every time. Neil Tennant isn't it? Just stood there delivering timeless pop with his mate in the baseball cap. BOY. Ooh, count down the streets, Daubney, Barcroft, Lovett and Tiverton. Poetry. Visit to the club shop. Peep through a gap in the gates. Can we go in yet? Too early buggerlugs, let's head to the prom! Mmm, Meggies, isn't it? Marvellous. Arnold Palmer. Free game if you ace the 18th. The rattle of the slots. The eternal battle between salt and vinegar and burnt sugar. A pint or two before the game, a visit to Steels, a cheeky little ale from Message in a Bottle for the trip home? Go on, then. Blundell Park? A lick of paint is all the old gal needs. GTFC, please never change. Except for the board. Chuck the lot of them in Chapman's Pond. The football? Oh yeah, we lost, probably. See you again in about three months.
Tim, Old Grimsby, Isles of Scilly

It's been a decent start. The manager's been shrewd and the new signings are blending well. Three wins from three and Salah looks like the injury hasn't bothered him at all. Town have been alright, too. Might get to one of the evening games if Sky and Jeff Stelling aren't on. I get some stick for having two clubs but you know, it's a release for me. I need the kinky stuff: shiny trophies, big signings and waking up to Danny Murphy on a Sunday morning. We should look at the French model, they have it sussed: GTFC will always be my true love, LFC are just the fancy piece I have shacked up in the apartment in Paris. Or something. 
Dave, Cleethorpes

What a week for our club. Accusations of racism. Again. In this day and age. Disgusting. I mean, I buy my ticket and the UN court of Human Free Rights entitles me to free speech as long as I don't violate that new GDPR data protection thingy. Keep the player's telephone number or address out of your abuse and it's fair game in my book. I can say, 'Oi, Jolley, you Yorkie, go back to Yorkshire, Yorkie'. No bother. However, 'Oi Jolley sort it or I'll call you on 07199 4568192 and give you a right earful later' is a big no-no. It could land me and GTFC in a lot of hot water and I'm ok with that. While we're being PC, isn't calling Jolley a Yorkie, racist? Yes, that's right, racist against Yorkies. That's where it gets confusing. You can say one thing and not another. It's like cats and dogs. If I let the staffy out of the house without a collar and lead, I'll have the warden slap a fine on me. Yet the neighbour's cat does what it bloody well chooses. Climbing on walls, jumping on cars, shitting in backyards. My garden smells like a bloody ammonia plant. Not a thing I can do about it. Except shoot it up the arse with an airgun. Ginger cats are the worst. Bastards.
Billy, GY

Look, Grimsby once had the largest fishing fleet in the world. At our peak in 1970, 400 trawlers were based in the port. In 2013, this was down to 5. By EU laws we must maintain this rate of decline and be at negative 25 vessels by 2020. In practice this means UK taxpayers will have to buy trawlers for foreign ports. SO THEY CAN FISH IN OUR WATERS. These are irrefutable facts I heard on the bus. Sorry, this is the Telegraph comments section, yes?
Brian, Scartho

A thread is on the Fishy suggesting that Freeman Street is back in the running as a location for the new ground. Poppycock. Putting aside the fact that Rob should have deleted the thread, it's obvious that Peaks Parkway, a mere three minute drive from my house, is the only choice for the John S Fenty Dome. If there is one thing the area is crying out for, it's development of the wasted green spaces around the town. And who will speak for the ice skaters if I don't? All eight of them have had nowhere to go since the last rink closed for reasons unknown and the Ice House was sealed off. The independent survey commissioned independently by the club put PP head and shoulders in the top three sites and there's no changing your mind now. Hard BP exit is what we voted for and that's what we'll get by jove. Of course, a few wealthy Tories may get even wealthier to leave GTFC fans in a bankrupt shell surviving on Parkway pony entrails, barbequed cemetery cats and, when they run out, dried burger patties and cheese substitute from the stadium catering van.
John, Humberston

Review of the season so far? Banging, man, banging. Well on. Best performance? Has to be Tommo at Macclesfield away. On it at 7am, case of summer fruits stocked, pissed his pants in Moto car park by 9 but borrowed a pair of pants and still managed to snog a police horse for hits and bantz on the way into the ground. Epic.
Josh, GY

Jolley, he's done alright but I'd like to see a bit more consistency. I know it's the long haul and there will be ups and downs but it's still unacceptable to lose during this transition. Anyone who accepts a defeat and moves on with a shrug is looking through Mitch Rose's tinted glasses. Win one, lose one all season isn't progress. I'd much prefer to see us set up to be difficult to beat and draw every game if we have to. Then we can think about getting to the next level after that.
Harry, North Sea Lane

They've been getting the all-important first goal? Yes, but I want three points, John, three points. I tell you what has cost us? The Yorkshireman. I could get any female off the street to do the job he's done. I played Woolford in midfield and signed Vernam and got called an Egg. An egg, John! Jolleyboy does it and he's a suave genius with his bloody tactics board and fancy YouTube videos. It's an absolute digrace. 
Russ, No fixed abode

It's not been good. I mean, he's brought players in and it will take time but the results haven't been there. Town are a big club and should be winning trophies like the early 80s. However, I remain convinced that Hursty is the man to bring the good times back to Portman Rd. What, wrong Town? Sorry did you want Shrewsbury?
HurstyFan123 (via email)

I was delighted to see Town sign that youngster from Sunderland on loan but am just wondering what impact this might have on playing time for our own youth?
Max, Cleethorpes