Cod Almighty | Diary

Don't get too close

31 May 2019

Cod Almighty got an email from John Fenty once. He accused us of having 20-20 hindsight. An odd accusation to make, you might think, as learning from mistakes is the first step to stopping making them. But of course, talking about hindsight is one of those classic defence mechanisms; "While you lot were just sitting around, I got something done. And I didn't hear you warning me about the problems before I did it" is the implication.

Of course you never hear about the problems in advance if you are determined to dish out what the late, lamented Steve Plowes called the "mushroom treatment": keep everyone in the dark, and feed them on bullshit. You only get good advice if you are prepared to listen for it. And so to the latest twist in the sorry saga of the Blundell Park floodlights.

Originally we were told that for some unexplained reason the floodlights are no longer fit for purpose, that repairing them would be impossible and that they would have to come down. Discussion of alternative approaches was shut down with the grim relish of Michael Palin telling his 63 children they'd have to be sold for scientific experimentation. The floodlights weren't historic in any way, shape or form. Until the last match of the season when they sudddenly acquired "iconic" status, if that was what it took to shift some tickets.

Now, the club has suddenly tumbled to the fact that knocking down four 128-feet- tall pylons might not be cheap or easy. Who could possibly have guessed?. And they have finally explored the options for paying for the job, and found they carry risks. Hands up who hasn't undertaken a major construction project and only thought about the how they were going to pay for it as the bulldozers were about to roll?

So now the floodlights will remain, but "modified slightly". "Modified slightly" in the sense that if you came upon an old friend who had lost a leg, you might find them a little changed. "Modified slightly" in that they are going to take down a third of each tower. So next season we will be playing not beneath icons but below the stumps of icons. On each pylon, a sign shall be erected. "I am John Fenty, king of football clubs. Look on my works, ye peasants, and despair."

Middle-Aged Diary is hardly ever "in the know". The few times I am, it depresses me what I learn. So it is with a measure of relief I can tell you this is my last regular diary for the time being. It is almost certaiinly a "be seeing you" rather than a "goodbye" as I am the member of the CA team with the biggest ears and the shortest legs, so I suspect I'll be first reserve when a member of the regular panel is absent.

Nevertheless, I had better wrap up some unfinished business. A couple of weeks ago I invited you to populate teams of square pegs and beautiful swans, characterised by the central midfield performances of Danny Butterfield and Neil Woods respectively. Some suggestions have come in, and cause me to reflect that I will miss Cod Almighty's readers.

I expected you to have far more fun lampooning the square pegs. John Beader does point the finger at two: "Ben Futcher was utterly hopeless when put up top as our desperate target man, and don't get me started on Mike Lyons self belief that he was really the illegitimate love child of Matt Tees." But John himself, and the rest of you dwelt lovingly on the players who made a success of their changes of position. John, Chris White and Graham Stark all remind us how Garry Birtles, the European Cup-winning striker, became a cultured and effective centre half. Jason Harvey points to John Cockerill, the dynamic midfielder we signed as a central defender.

A fanzine is a democratic thing. It depends on people wanting to write for it, purely for the love of the subject, and people wanting to read what they write. The more those two groups interact and merge, so that readers are writers and writers are readers, the stronger it becomes. That is a thought I took from watching this YouTube interview with Grimsby writers Carolyn Doyley and Gordon Wilson. As Gordon is kind enough to plug Cod Almighty during it, the leaast we can do is plug the interview. And if it encourages you to find a way to express yourself, all the better.

Be seeing you.