The Diary

Cod Almighty | Diary

All things in common, all people one

4 June 2019

Do you know what's much more boring than Town not signing any players? I'll tell you. People moaning about how bored they are because Town haven't signed any players.

What part of 'this is the close season' don't you understand? This is the time when you don't watch the football. You don't even need to think about it either. And that's a good thing. You should be enjoying the break.

Seriously, if your life depends so much on the football that you can't deal with the close season, then take a step back and a deep breath. Maybe close your eyes for a minute. Then think about other things. Go and listen to the cricket or have an ice cream or something. Spend time with people you love. Read a book. Collect some fucking seashells. There's a new series of Killing Eve starting soon. Anything. Just forget about the football.

So, what's happening in the football? Well, now that the bottom flight is up to a full complement of 24 legitimate football clubs, the Mariners' superb new official website is running a series of profiles on next season's opponents. A sort of rough guide to the fourth division, if you will. Hey, close season content ideas are like players: if you're old enough, you're good enough.

Unfortunately for Town's superb new official Twitter feed, the social media launch of this new series has been blown off course slightly by the modus operandi of Town's superb old communications department:

 

Same thing happened with us a few years ago, Dan... but that's another story for another diary.

Meanwhile, also in the football, your original/regular Diary was taken to a pub to watch the Champions League final last weekend. It was rubbish. I don't usually watch Big Football or really even follow how it works, so I don't know if there's a carefully stated rationale for the three-week gap between the end of the domestic season and the Champions League final. But it looked to me like it didn't help. The players on both teams seemed well out of touch. That Dele Alli would have scored at one point if he'd been running in to meet a cross, instead of jogging. I should have stayed at home and read a book.

And hey, the women's World Cup in France starts this weekend. So, hooray for the football! Having been to see the Lionesses in a friendly against Sweden a few months ago, I can understand the high expectations placed on them going into this tournament. Alex Greenwood was outstanding on the day, marauding up the left flank, creating opportunities with every run. Unfortunately for England, Chelsea's Hedvig Lindahl had an absolute blinder in nets for the opposition and the result was a scarcely believable 2-0 defeat. Cracking game though.

Back at home the trials for Town's all-new women's team are about to begin. I'm not quite sure how it works with the club being 'affiliated' to GTFC but run by GTSET. But I suppose the further the new team is removed from Blundell Park's current regime, the greater its chances of success.

'Redevelopment' would be a massive overstatement, so let's just say this summer's slight reshaping of BP continues – and with it the high farce over Town's floodlights.

When I saw the club's announcement last Friday, my first instinct was that the @0fficia1gtfc parody Twitter account had gone a step further and set up a website. Having then verified that I was, in fact, looking at Town's superb new official website, I literally wondered whether it was April fools day. Then, when it slowly dawned on me that the announcement was real, I thought, well, it's another GTFC cock-up to add to the list, but at least the floodlight pylons will be saved. Finally, an hour or so later, I thought, actually, if there's one thing worse than chucking the floodlight pylons in a skip, it's probably hacksawing a bit off the top of them.

There you go then – lots of delightful football talk without any actual football. No, of course we haven't signed any players. It's only the first week of June. Seriously, go and read a book. And not one about football.