Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 17 August 2019

Division 4

Forest Green Rovers 1 Mondel (76)

Grimsby Town 0

Attendance: 2152 (283 away fans)

And in our eyes we saw nothing but men shuffling sideways, some to the left, some to the right.

The international grandmaster of flash-flooding the opponent's penalty area at a throw-in threw in the word "frustration" to describe his frustration at not frustrating the frustratingly non-unsuccessful watchmen of the woods:

"I felt that we limited them to not very many chances in the game, and we created enough chances ourselves when we could and should have scored."

Cooperman commented on the slow drying cement that Town dumped on his driveway:

"We tried everything to knock the door down and it was a game of chess and we were trying to break them down and in the end we did."

More on this

We came to bury football, and nearly succeeded.

Town simply pac-manned from side to side, refusing to allow any spaces for the pretty boys to flounce into. Town were big and ugly and my, my it was dull. The evil plans of St Michael nearly worked as panic was induced by every up and under, every set piece, but Big Jim was slapdash and made a hash of every bash. Town never had the ball but were never in trouble until Mondal had their one shot on target.

Oh yeah, Waterfall was perfectly fine in a big bloke way and was very vocal. That's it – we watched a bloke shout a lot on a hill in Gloucestershire.

Lightweight and ephemeral as an attacking force, they had the ball but no idea what to do with it when faced by a double-lined dry stone wall. Sure, sure, it looked 'nice' but they just slowly crabbed backwards to the rinky-dink panther and repeated the spin cycle. Again and again and again and again and again.

And again.

When someone won't play ball they can't play football and without Massive Matt Mills they'll be crushed by big men lumping. Fair weather and fortune could see them flashing their pan-fried kale near the play-offs, as they will bore enough of this division into submission. But one thing's for sure: they don't like it up 'em.

We drank another coffee and found it hard to stay awake; it's just another wasted day.

Mr L Doughty (Lancs)

Suspiciously friendly with bun-boy Mills before the game, but proved to be a man even-handedly determined to avoid bookings and 'big' decisions. Yes, he should have booked the patchy Adams for ludicrous collapses, but he equally refused to consider blue stamps and slaps as anything beyond chaps japing and joshing, as they will.

A handsome 7.234 for refusing to spice up this dismal dull affair with nuttiness.

They had a shot, Hanson missed a lot. Totally tedious and Town lost a scoreless bore.

In a word: plogging