Cod Almighty | Diary

Where the natives' cogs are always dissonant

18 December 2019

Hello, hello, we are the happy people. Let's give The Politics some lebensraum, for with scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago, it's the hap-happiest time of the year. Yes, your Deviant Diary does not deny a daily dose of dismal football on your telly has diverted attention from the consequences of decisions made by others on a number of matters, here and there, as it were, like.

You can't turn on the telly without an ex-Townite tripping over. If it's Tuesday it must be Alex Rodman shambling gracefully around the periphery like a peacock.

Monday, Monday, looked good to me and it was all I hoped it would be down John Adams Way, but there was no guarantee that Andi Thanoj would be on my TV. Behold the BT commentator's amusing obsession with Martyn Woolford's left foot. Behold the amusing subs benches - a limp list of long lost loanees. Shaun Tuton and Calvin Andrew; so many missing memories, or is that simply my age?

Today, but not quite so much later, it's Macclesfield's day of destiny (v.321) where Town's relegation is sealed at the High Court of Justice. Or is it? The future's not signed, Sealey'd and delivered, for the "buyer" is promising to double the playing budget whilst the business is self-sustainable on gates of 1,500. And the ground has mortgages on it securing debts of over £3m. Sound like undercooked flaky fish to me. The first rule of thumbing through the lives of others is follow the money and only give me dates and facts. That's numbers, not fruit. A date is just for Christmas and definitely for someone else. What do you take me for, some kind of fruit-eating freak?

The big news around the town is that the feathers and bones found in a back garden in Healing belong not to Sebastian Ring but to William the Peacock, who you thought was the last King of Bavaria. It's a metaphor! When the crows leave the tower the locals glower, when the peacock is eaten, Town are not beaten. Yeah, Billy Peacock has brought nothing but bad luck since he flew into our lives.

Sorry, there is no update on the fate of the drunken llamas of Tetney Lock, but the back four have been less woozy in Limboland.

Blundell Parklife is full of sound and fury, dignifying nothing.