Cod Almighty | Postbag

The one with the whinging letter from Mat

6 August 2003

In this week's Postbag: just another boring football links site; Roy Keane in girly hobby shocker; trophy hunting; dialect delights; balls; if you pay peanuts; and Mat's moan.

I've just come

Hi I've just come across your site and wondered if you'd be interesting in swapping links between our two site's?

from [Snip - Letters Ed]

Letters Ed responds: Reply back with your site address and a little description and I'll make sure it goes on straight away Luke and TFF team No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you people bother to read any of the other letters sent to us? This is a LETTERS PAGE, not a place for all your bleedin' adverts.

Monkey boy

All this talk of Monkeys writing articles and then what? The 'News of the World' has predicted GTFC will finish 20th, the veritable old rag has also predicted that Swindon will finish 5th. All of which makes me think that the monkeys at Wapping obviously know very little of football outside the Premiership but could probably write a double page spread about Roy Keane and how he likes to collect thimbles.

from Mr B.L.Ackandwhite-Barmy

Crack

I was wondering if your crack group of investigative reporters could help me answer something that has been bugging me for a short while now.

When Town won the tournament they took part in over in Ibiza, did they receive a trophy for their troubles? Will this trophy have to be returned for next year's tournament? Is there an annual tournament? How did Town get invited to play? Will this achievement be noted in the club's roll of honour? Will the trophy be stored in the club's trophy cabinet? Does the club have a trophy cabinet? Where is it if they do? Can we go and see it? And what would we see? Is there a replica of the Auto Windscreens Shield? I think that's it. I hope you can provide some answers. Cheers.

from Mike Cook

Letters Ed responds: Phew! Well, one thing we do know is that Town did win a trophy. There was a picture of them in the GET receiving the trophy. As for the rest of it, we will investigate and try and find out for you.

Words

Great to remember 'nunty' and 'bealing' - no one however dowdy is nunty in Suffolk and the kids don't 'beal' however hard you crack the little buggers.

I recommend 'Egging back o' Doigs' by The Doughty Centre Local History Group edited by Alan Dowling for hundreds of Grimsby and Cleethorpes 'isms'- an absolutely amazing book. I remember quite a few in use certainly by my grandparents and some hanging on into the 50s and 60s when I was a kid. Older relatives were always 'arrad' and Grandma was always 'bobbing off' in her chair. I remember being told to have less 'chelp' and not to 'gollop' my food.

Some hang on to this day - I was greeted by a mate on my last trip home with 'otcher!'

from Swin

Rough guide

In his rough guide to Sheffield Wednesday, Mr Dawson writes, and I quote: "I was violently sick after reading their sycophantic tribute to that bloody monotonous band they drag around with them". This is a fair response to the said article, but can I recommend for the sake of his health that he does not read the article trying to sell an autographed football from "the Exeter game" on the official Town website?

from Michael Shelton

Tossers

Richard Dawson wrote 'No-one deserved that bunch of tossers'.

I write 'you get what you pay for'.

from Karl Harrison

You bet

In response to Bob Macintosh's letter slagging off my betting tips I would like to make a case for the defence. Firstly, nobody made Mr Macintosh bet on any of the tips I put in the diary. Nobody actually physically dragged him into a bookmakers, forced him to write out betting slips at gunpoint and then threatened him with castration if he didn't hand over his stakes to the bookie did they? Secondly, Kieren Fallon gave both Persian Lightning and Arakan awful runs. He got boxed in on both horses, not the rides I would have expected from a jockey of Fallon's ability. Arakan did get second though and was only beaten by a head. OK, I admit Catch The Cat was a bad tip. But Tahreeb bloody won at 6/4 in the 5.35 at Goodwood. How is that three unplaced horses and one second place?

If Bob is allowed to plea to the CA team to stop me tipping may I plead to whoever looks after Bob to stop him betting on horses if he doesn't understand what a winner is.

And I don't care how disgusted you are Bob. I will continue to offer up tips. In fact I am working on a new horse racing system that should churn out a few winners, or unplaced horses as Bobby likes to call them. Oh, and cheers for allowing me a shameless plug for my other tips, my football tipping starts up again soon. And as I proved last year, a chimp cannot do better. So shove that one up your arse!

from Mat Hare

Letters Ed responds: Bit tetchy aren't you? We don't get mood swings like this from Coco.

Wonderful. If you want to write to us, feel free to use the feedback page. We print almost anything - apart from bloody adverts to football link sites.